glenn's blog

welcome to my blog, please enjoy!

I plan on using this medium as an online journal and as a way to share  many of my ideas and beliefs. You will probably notice that a lot of the posts in the philosophy and spirituality category were posted on the same day and no, I did not write all of this on the same day. What I have done is copy a bunch of posts from another forum that I frequent often.

I have organized the posts into categories to make it easier if you are looking for something specific. My general, day-to-day journal entries are filed under “a little of this and a little of that, a bit of everything“. If you are the kind of person who finds my posts about philosophy and spirituality more than a little boring (and I don’t blame you), click on the “a little of this and a little of that…” category or one of the other categories. Make sure you check out the music/music business category of this blog to read about the future of music on the Internet and free music!

Be sure to checkout the philosophy and spirituality section of this blog for some extremely thought-provoking topics, discussions and ideas!… and for those of you who are wondering, my perspective comes from experience and interaction alone, as I don’t care for textbook reading, at least as far as philosophy and spirituality is considered. I have not studied or read up on any famous philosopher and I have not read any spiritual or religious text. My perspective comes from experience and personal interaction with friends, family and loved ones, as well as many hours of online debating on a few philosophy based forums. Obviously I have been subjected to the beliefs and/or ideas of famous philosophers and religious text through interaction with people who have read about these things as well as movies and television shows. I do not look up to anyone because I believe that we are all great people in our own unique way — another way to look at it would be to say that I look up to everyone equally.

If you have some time, please take a few minutes and check out my website and music…

www.tripleeyemusic.com

www.tripleeyemusic.com/music

(this post is a sticky — scroll down for new blog entries)

Many of my blog entries actually touch down on some very difficult and personal issues in my life and I’m sure that many of you will wonder why a struggling musician/businessman would be so open and honest about such personal matters on a blog that is actually attached to his music and business website. What kind of businessman actually hangs his dirty laundry out for everyone to see? – This guy obviously did not go to business school!…LOL (I actually did take a business course in grade 9 but I found it incredibly boring and swapped it for another course within the first few weeks)… I’m one of those crazy people that actually believes that we can accomplish something without schooling! I actually have a very good reason for this, if you are interested, please read on… and a little further into this post I will talk about why I am so open and honest on this blog!

High school English confused the hell out of me and although I was able to achieve a reasonable 70 to 75% grade in general English, it was actually very difficult for me to achieve this. I learned more about the English language in the 10 to 15 years after high school then I did while I was in school. The reason for this is obvious, it is only when I am truly interested in something that I start to learn. It doesn’t take very long in the real world for one to realize how important communication is. I quickly realized that if I wanted to enjoy life and be successful, I was gonna have to learn how to communicate effectively. Anyways, to make a long story short, it is now a little more than 15 years since I graduated high school and I’m happy to say that my communication, both oral and written, is actually quite effective. You might notice that my English is not perfect and I do not follow many rules. The reason for this is actually quite simple, I do not believe in irrelevant or unnecessary rules that we should follow just because there are rules. My basic philosophy when it comes to English is — if you understand what I am saying well enough to receive the message that I am communicating, then I have  succeeded. I speak so that I may communicate a message, if you understand that message then I have communicated effectively, regardless of whether or not I follow proper English guidelines. Sometimes I might think that I’m communicating effectively but my message is not being received in the way that I would like and just like everyone else I am still learning.

More to the point  — most people are far too concerned with what other people think of them or how other people will judge them, so when it comes to publishing their ideas, thoughts and experiences online, especially when it is a blog under their real name, most people are incredibly careful what they say. Many people believe that professional musicians should remain mysterious as this will somehow increase popularity and revenue. I’m sure there are many people in the music business who would consider what I’m doing here on my blog, career suicide but that is only because they view music as a means to acquire profit and/or fame! Many years ago I realized that most of the musicians with a mainstream audience had very little substance to their music. It angered me to realize that these musicians can stand up in front of millions of people and not take the opportunity to try and change the world and make it a better place! I realized that they are wasting their talents and most of them are nothing more than a distraction or something to waste your money on! It was at that time that I realized, or maybe I should say, I promised myself that I would not achieve musical success until I have reached a place where I understand how I can be a part of making the world a better place! I knew that I was not ready and that I had no idea what needed to be done or what needed to be said, that could change the world or make it a better place. I knew that I had a lot of work to do and that I would have to spend the next few years (at that time I thought it would only be a few years, as it turns out, more like 10 to 15 years) discovering who I am and what I’m here for. At that time I didn’t realize what it was that I was looking for but it didn’t take long for me to realize that what I was looking for was a means to Enlightenment!

For many people, enlightenment is just a fancy term for crazy people trying to feel better about themselves. For me, enlightenment is a simple and easy way to understand, it is the basic goal and direction of every human being, whether or not they are aware of  the goal. Kind of like turning on a light in a dark room, when it was dark you could not see what was in the room and when you turn the light on you can see. A path of Enlightenment is more of a gradual turning on as we walk through life, we make mistakes, learn our lessons and grow as human beings. Some of us never learn as we stumble and chase our tail around in circles but most of us do learn as we make mistakes, everyone of us learning at their own pace. Enlightenment is basically an awakening of our awareness as we grow and learn, as we stumble through our mistakes, as we wake up to the reality of the world around us. I believe that my awakening has been a lot faster than most people and there are a few reasons for this. The first and most obvious reason is that 15 years ago I made a commitment to myself as I realized that I was here to learn, grow and become a better person. Someone who does not realize that this is what they want from life will naturally struggle more than someone who realizes that they would like to be more aware. I also believe that my music and songwriting process somehow advanced my learning process. I would write a song that had some sort of moral lesson contained within the lyrics and this was normally a lesson that I had not learned yet, so the more that I played that song or heard the song playing in my head the more I thought about that moral lesson and the easier it was for me to learn and grow through these issues in my life. Another reason for my advanced learning process (and this is something that most people definitely would not include in their blog) is thanks to my experimentation with psychedelic drugs and marijuana. Now don’t get me wrong here because I am not suggesting psychedelic drugs are the key to enlightenment, I’m only suggesting that they can be used with benefit! Psychedelic drugs are an extremely subjective experience and my experiences aided in my personal enlightenment only because of how and why I approached the experience. (although there have been times in my life when these experiences have been a part of my lifestyle, there is no reason why anyone should infer from what I have said here, that I’m still experimenting with such things) I would approach these experiences in much the same way that a monk would approach meditation and in many ways these experiences are like meditation for me. Which brings me to my last and probably most relevant influence in my personal growth, enlightenment and growing awareness –  meditation is a great way to explore who we are and why we are here, as well as a great way to relax, unwind and calm our minds!

Finally we get back to my original point, so why am I so comfortable talking about personal issues and difficulties online? Integrity is without a doubt, the most important quality that any human being can have and honesty is what integrity is all about! I’m not afraid that people will read my blog and start to think differently about my music or creativity. When your music and creativity has integrity, so must your attitude and expression of who you are! When your music is good enough and when you’re as talented as I am, you don’t need to worry about what people will think of your personal life because the music speaks for itself. When you are playing and writing music so that you might influence the world and make it a better place, instead of creating music so that you can become rich and famous, it doesn’t matter if you turn a few fans away because they can’t stand ‘a goody two shoes’ or because they won’t listen to music created by someone who is just a simple human being like they are, with problems of their own!  I talk openly about the fact that my wife and I are living in poverty and that I have a huge amount of credit card debt for which I can not pay off, without any concern whatsoever about what people might think of this or how it might affect my career. I honestly believe that this kind of expression of who I am,  if anything, will only benefit my career, in that it offers a glimpse into the life and trials of a struggling artist/musician! I’m not ashamed of who I am or what I’m going through and I don’t want anyone to feel sorry for me, it’s just that I want to be as open and honest as possible with anyone who is interested enough to read my blog!

I’m not worried or afraid that the contents of my blog will somehow negatively affect my music and/or website/record company success.  I’m currently writing new music that I will be  uploading to my website within the next year and I’m very optimistic about how this music will be received! The record company ideas and direction speak for themselves and there is no way that these incredible ideas will be held back or destroyed by the honest expression of the man behind the scenes!

In this blog you will find many different kinds of posts, with everything from my day-to-day bullshit to my record company and music production, as well as everything from my incredibly wholesome philosophy to my radical political views, I talk openly about my family’s bullshit as well as many of the issues that my wife and I go through. I would like to thank you for taking the time to read my blog, please enjoy!

If I receive a MANDATORY longform census to fill out I will throw it in the garbage! — however, if I receive a voluntary longform census explaining why it is important that I share this personal information, I will definitely consider filling out most if not all of the form!

Treat me with the respect that I deserve and make sure that I understand why this information is important so that I can make an informed decision!

Either you’re freedom is absolute or you’re not free! As soon as you start suggesting that we should be willing to sacrifice our freedoms for this or that – “for our country”, you open the door for people who think they know better (authority figures) to justify invading people’s privacy or violating people’s freedoms just because they can’t think of a better way to do their job!

Basically, if you cannot gather information or protect and provide for your citizens without violating their basic rights and freedoms (and privacy) then you have no right to call yourself a free country.

It doesn’t matter if you can see how making it mandatory will get more people to fill out the form! What you have to look at is whether or not this is a violation of our basic freedoms. If a country cannot impress upon its citizens why this information is necessary and why every citizen should fill out the form if asked to, then it should be very clear that either the information is actually not necessary (as far as EVERYONE is concerned) or the government is failing to gain the respect of its citizens!

Canadian laws exist to protect citizens rights and freedoms, NOT to enforce government policy! The argument that making these forms mandatory will have more citizens filling out the form is irrelevant because making these forms mandatory is a violation of our basic human rights and freedoms. If we use the law to enforce a government policy that actually violates citizens rights and freedoms, what does that say about the integrity of Canada?

I just realized that many valid comments were being sent into my spam folder and these comments were then deleted after a month of being in the spam folder. So if you left a comment that I did not approve or comment on it is most likely because I did not see the comment before it was deleted.

I’ll see if I can fix the problem and sorry for the confusion.

A question every Canadian should be asking themselves this Canada Day is why our police department demonstrated during the G20 protests, that they believe a few police cars and a couple hundred windows are more valuable than the RIGHTS and FREEDOMS of hundreds of INNOCENT protesters in Toronto?!

As far as I’m concerned there should be more than just an inquest into the actions taken by police last weekend — Canadian citizens should speak up and speak out, demonstrate and protest the actions of police during the G20 protests until the police department is held accountable and the government puts into place whatever measures are necessary to ensure that such a thing never happens again!

What the police did over the weekend, is seriously violate the civil rights and freedoms of hundreds of innocent Canadians while they demonstrated their Canadian right to protest the G20 and other government policies!

If we let police get away with the unjustified sweeping arrest tactic that they used last weekend we will be setting precedent for not only how police deal with protest situations but other situations as well.

900 people were arrested for the actions of 100 people. If we say that it is acceptable to violate the basic human rights and freedoms of innocent Canadian citizens in order to ensure that a select few individuals are unable to involve themselves in petty mischief and vandalism, what are we really saying about the Canadian Constitution and our inability to either understand or respect and follow the values that this country was built on!

Police throughout Canada have been violating the rights and freedoms of Canadian citizens for a long time but rarely are these situations caught on camera and broadcast throughout the country. Innocent Canadians have been subjected to police brutality for as long as we have had a police force and in most cases these people have no opportunity to seek retribution for these horrible crimes committed against them!

A number of years ago I was a victim of police brutality during an illegal search. I committed no crime and was not arrested but I did suffer a few scrapes and bruises along with a very bloody head injury. The police called an ambulance to take care of my pinky finger which was bleeding all over the place because the tip had been scraped off. When I asked the paramedic to take a look at my head because the police had smashed it into the pavement, one of the police officers told the paramedic not to worry about it. I later talked to a Dr. who told me that I should have been rushed to the hospital immediately to have my head examined.

Needless to say, I haven’t felt exactly safe in this country for a number of years. After last weekend I find a small comfort knowing that there are many Canadian citizens who also no longer feel safe around police officers. I just hope that enough people take action and that our legal system is not too confused with all of the incredibly thick lawbooks that they were forced to read to deal with this obvious violation of the basic human rights and freedoms of hundreds of innocent Canadians!

There will be thousands of people protesting the sweeping arrest tactics used by police last weekend on Canada Day (tomorrow) in Queens Park, downtown Toronto! If you are able, please come out and be heard!

OUR BASIC HUMAN WRITES AND FREEDOMS ARE INCREDIBLY VALUABLE! The reason we have police is so that our rights and freedoms are protected — we cannot have the people who are in place to protect our rights and freedoms violating the rights and freedoms of INNOCENT Canadian citizens!!!

Before anyone decides to invest a lot of time and money into any project they should first make sure that they themselves and everyone that they are working with is not only experienced but also very proficient with every required skill. We see this all the time and it happens a lot in the art, music, movie and television industry. You see a group of young kids who have been playing together for a couple of years in the high school band, spend thousands upon thousands of dollars to record and produce an album full of music that none of their friends or family have the heart to tell them is nowhere near good enough to sell the 1 million records the kids are hoping for.

I just finished debating with a young screenplay writer who not only did a horrible job articulating his point throughout the debate but he also suggested that there was something wrong with my desire to have him understand my point along with my dedication to the subject being discussed. This guy is in the middle of producing a film from a screenplay that he wrote and from what I understand he has been working on this for a very long time.

Am I wrong to think that a writer should enjoy communicating with others? Shouldn’t a writer’s first priority be to master the language that they plan to write in? I guess some people just start to tell themselves that they are going to make movies and for some reason think they can jump right in and start producing movies. I wonder if they ever consider that there may be some risk involved with producing your first movie at such a young age with such little experience, maybe first impressions are important! Maybe they just don’t have it in them to work their asses off like everyone else while they gain the necessary life experience that it takes to be a good writer.

I plan on doing a lot of writing in my life and eventually I would like to see myself writing a screenplay and possibly a book or two but even at 33 years of age I feel that I have a little ways to go yet before I’m experienced enough and proficient enough with life and the English language to be an excellent writer. Here’s this young 20 something guy, writing and producing his own film when he cannot even enjoy a casual debate with a fellow artist without demonstrating the obvious fact that he is not only inexperienced with life but he is also incredibly challenged when it comes to written communication. I just cannot imagine what must be going through this guys head for him to consider himself ready for this kind of project! Odds are his arrogance will have them running straight into a wall head first and if picking up all the pieces from his shattered ego does not totally destroy his motivation than the reality of having to work another job to make ends meet, just might!

Same goes for music folks. You can gain experience and become proficient at your craft without spending a great deal of money to produce an album and tour. In most cases a great deal of practice, rehearsal and sometimes training is necessary before anyone should consider themselves ready to take on the incredible challenge of producing their first masterpiece! One of the worst things you can do is get ahead of yourself!

Many years ago I made a commitment to myself to become the best human being that I could possibly become. At the time I did not realize that what I was seeking was a means to enlightenment but it was not long  before I realized that an increased state of awareness or an enlightened state of mind was without a doubt the best thing that I could do for myself. As soon as anyone opens themselves up to the idea that they themselves are not all that they could be, a series of events, observations and realizations start to take place, one step at a time, as if synchronicity is on your side. As long as we remain open to the possibility that we have room to grow as individuals we begin the transformation that will eventually grace us with an extremely heightened state of awareness that most people are unable to comprehend.

I’m not trying to suggest that I’m any better off than anyone else or that I am in any way a superior human being. It’s just that I have realized a certain amount of potential within myself that most people never will. I’m not exactly sure I say that  most people “never will” but I think it must have something to do with my ever-increasing skepticism with regards to the overall advancement of humanity’s collective enlightenment. It’s not that I’ve become bitter but I’m definitely frustrated with how comfortable most people have become with who they are, despite their complete lack of awareness.

Today my wife actually admitted that she feels sorry for me because she sees how incredibly frustrated I have become with the world around me. As soon as anyone gets themselves to a place where they have a firm grasp on reality and a clear understanding of life and the way things are in regards to what is truly important in life, it becomes increasingly important to reach out to others who are struggling in the confusion of their day-to-day lives. If someone approaches me with a different understanding of something that I have expressed, I listened to what they have to say it with an open mind, always willing to consider that someone might understand something better than I do. Unfortunately most people are not this way and more often than not when I reach out to someone and attempt to help them understand something better than they are understanding it, they become defensive and in many cases they will try to accuse me of some sort of wrongdoing. There are many different strategies that people use to avoid accepting any sort of advice or criticism. I understand that people learn in different ways and perhaps some people are not ready to understand certain things but I do not understand why people feel it is necessary to convince themselves that the person who is only trying to help them understand something better is somehow up to no good.

I would not be enjoying my current state of awareness if it was not for many people who were kind enough to stop and take the time to help me understand something better.

Is my reward for raising my own awareness coming to realize, day in and day out that almost everyone I interact with would rather not awake from their slumber? I guess maybe I should find people who share an open-minded philosophy and surround myself with like-minded individuals who also understand how important it is that we all do whatever we must to be the best that we can be. Problem is that everywhere I turn I find people who would rather stay the person they have always been. Why do people have to be so stubborn, so proud and so arrogant? Where do open-minded people who are eager to expand their consciousness and raise their awareness hangout? Where do I meet like-minded individuals who also understand the importance of love, compassion, human relationships and open and honest communication?

Traditionally record companies would hook musical artists and groups up with the manufacturing and distribution needed to get their record out there. TripleEye music has a totally different approach in mind and when musicians realize that we will not be manufacturing and distributing their CDs they naturally wonder what it is that we are going to do for them. We cannot just post their music on the website and expect the music to just take off on its own. Every group needs a manager and a publicist so I thought that a great way to give interested musicians more of what they expect from a record company would be to connect with managers and publicists who might be available to work with TripleEye music artists. For some reason, new music groups start looking for a record deal before they start looking for a manager or publicist and this is where my idea comes into play. TripleEye music will make sure that our musical acts understand the need for a good manager and publicist and I would also like to have a few good managers and publicists on hand to connect  these groups with. Depending on the contract, managers and publicists could work for TripleEye music or the actual music group directly.

Obviously we need managers and publicists who not only understand but share our vision. You can read more about TripleEye music and our very unique business philosophy, here in the music business category. Networking is a great way to connect with new clients and make more money! If you or anyone you know might be interested in expanding their business network and client base, please e-mail glenn@tripleeyemusic.com

While major record companies are struggling to hold on to a dying industry (CD manufacturing and distribution), the independent music scene can swoop in and take the lead!… — Just think about it! — there are only a few websites offering online music downloads and for some reason they believe it is fair to sell this music for one dollar per song!

So even though they no longer have to pay for any manufacturing, distribution or retail markup they can still justify selling you the music for the same price!

When you figure out how much money a musician or group of musicians actually make through CD sales you start to wonder why we need these record companies at all anymore! Why should musicians let huge companies markup their product to an outrageous amount only to turn around and give the musicians a mere 5% or less?

Independent bands and musicians can literally give their music away and still come out better off than they would have signing with a major record company and selling their CDs or online albums for around $10 apiece!

Curious to find out how this is possible? — Check out www.tripleeyemusic.com for more details — click on about us and read about our business plan or check out Glenn’s blog and read the music business section…

If anyone knows a musician or group of musicians who are looking for a record deal or maybe even just some ideas on how to do it for themselves — please tell them about www.tripleeyemusic.com — TripleEye music “free music is the way of the future” — “stay independent!”

… personally, I don’t like the word addiction at all! Regardless of what drug or substance you are talking about I don’t believe that admitting you are addicted is a very good idea! Do you really think that convincing someone that they do not have control is a good way to help them stop what they’re doing, slow down or gain some sort of control? The term addiction suggests that whoever is suffering from it has lost control or willpower. I don’t care how much you are doing of what ever drug, you always have control enough to stop or put it down. Trust me, I know what I’m talking about as I have experimented to the extreme with the worst of the worst as far as drugs go.

For some reason people are fixated on trying to convince drug users that they need help and are incapable of cleaning up on their own when the truth of the matter is that when it comes right down to it, the only way anyone is going to stop doing whatever it is that they are doing is to decide on there own and take control of the situation. The only one who can stop someone from using a drug or substance (even caffeine) is the person actually using the drug!

As soon as anyone admits that they are addicted they’ve pretty much given up on any hope that they will ever change their ways! In many cases I’m sure that people use the term addiction as an excuse or reason to just continue with their habits!

We see it every day, most people would rather be dishonest then risk confrontation. This has been a nagging issue for me for as long as I can remember. I am certain that most people are very aware that they are being dishonest and the idea that they are being polite is nothing more than a convenient excuse to protect the world from knowing exactly who they are! Over the years I have made it my own personal goal to ensure that I am always honest with everyone in my life. As you might imagine this has been an incredibly difficult thing to do. Most people are not used to others being honest and in many cases people become angry with me for telling them the truth, as if I should have lied to them and spared them the burden of knowing exactly how I feel. For the life of me I cannot understand why these people are so afraid of the truth. I imagine that people who keep their honest feelings and opinions to themselves probably do it because they are trying to avoid hurting someone or they are afraid that others will judge them harshly.  I’m sure there are many different reasons, excuses and justifications for why these people feel it is necessary to be dishonest but there is no doubt in my mind that all of these reasons or excuses are rooted in fear. I don’t want to dwell on the negative so I am going to steer this blog entry into a more positive direction as we look at the benefits to being honest.

I guess I should probably explain exactly what I mean when I say “I am honest with everyone in my life” so you can better understand what I’m getting at here. I am not suggesting that we should say whatever is on our mind in the exact moment that it enters our mind. There is a time and place for everything and in many situations it is better to avoid a certain topic of conversation and bring it up another time. I believe this is called tact and if you are going to learn how to be an honest individual you definitely want to learn how to be tactful. When the perfect time for you to be honest about something arises it will not always be easy for you to have the other person understand what it is that you are trying to say. The best thing to remember is that communication is not always easy but even when a confrontation presents itself it is possible for you to help keep it respectful while you avoid yelling, insulting and name-calling. As soon as you realize that the other person has gotten the message you can then begin to close off the conversation and move onto something else. There is no use in beating a dead horse. What I mean by this is that once you realize that someone understands what you’re saying there is no point in going on and on about the same issue. Sometimes people will understand exactly what it is that you are saying but they still disagree with you and this is what I’m talking about by closing off the conversation and moving on to another topic. It is best when both people understand each other but it is not always necessary that both people agree with each other. There are also many ways that one person can say the same thing and if you are going to learn how to be honest you will probably realize that it is in your best interest to figure out the most positive, constructive and uplifting way of saying whatever it is you are trying to say. You can take one thought and express it in a very disgusting way which will ensure that the other person completely ignores what you’re saying and there is even a chance that they will shut you out for ever and never let you in again. If you are upset with someone that you love or care about, it is not in your best interest to push them away. What you want to do is find a way to express yourself so that the other person will be more open to hearing you out and trying to understand what it is that you are thinking.

When we express ourselves honestly what we are doing is opening ourselves up to hear what the world thinks of us. You might not realize that when you are telling your friends what you think about something you are also giving them a chance to know something about you and if you are fortunate enough to have friends who can be honest with you, you will have a good idea of what people think about you and the way your mind works. Above all else I want to enjoy my life but I also realize that in order to do this successfully I must learn how to become a better person. Many of the things that I do from day to day are things that make my life more difficult and in some cases depressing or even miserable. I must learn how to become the best person that I can be so that I can actually start to enjoy my life as I know I should. If I just kept everything to myself never expressing myself honestly, never sharing my inner self with the world, I would never know what the world thought about me. In the same way that I spared the world, my friends and family from knowing anything about me, I also spared myself from knowing what the world thinks about me. If I’m the kind of person who is dishonest, secretive or closed off emotionally, I already know that I don’t like whatever is in side of me because if I did I would probably want to share it with the world. Just the fact that I am unwilling to share myself suggests that I do not like what I have to share. When we start to express ourselves honestly we start holding ourselves to a different standard as we become more concerned with what others think and how others feel.

The easiest way for anyone to find their way into a life full of love, compassion and empathy, along with all of the wonderful things that go along with love, is to learn how to express yourself honestly! As soon as I open myself up and start to share my inner self with those around me I have opened myself up to be loved and respected by my friends and family. If I choose to close myself off  and not share my inner self with the people around me, what I am doing is showing the world that I do not want to be loved and I do not know how to love. I might think that I am protecting myself from being hurt but the truth is that I am protecting myself from being loved and a life with no love is a lonely life full of hurt, pain, misery and depression.

Learn to live an honest life while you express your inner self honestly with those around you and you will soon find yourself in love, surrounded by people who love you!

As far as I am concerned this law is completely unfair and unreasonable. We’ve been looking around for a three-bedroom apartment so that my wife and I can move in with my father but there are no three-bedroom apartments available to rent in our area so we have been forced to look at two-bedroom apartments. There are not many apartment buildings in South Etobicoke that are suitable for the elderly and people with disabilities. There are certain features that we  just cannot go without such as an elevator, garbage chute and an underground garage for parking. We could only find one apartment building in all of southern Etobicoke that includes these features. This apartment also comes with a pool and sauna which is definitely an added bonus for my father and I, who both suffer from extremely painful health conditions. There was only one  — two bedroom apartment available to rent and we have to take it March 1. How can  they expect us to give 60 days notice that we plan to vacate the apartment without knowing that we have another apartment to move into? Even with 30 days notice we will be forced to pay rent on two apartment buildings for one month and there is no way in hell that we can afford to pay for two apartment buildings for two months consecutively. Especially when you consider all the extra expenses that moving requires!

As far as I’m concerned, tenancy laws are there to protect renters. We have been good tenants, always paying our rent and even being patient with things like going without an oven for two months, falling and breaking my arm on the ice last winter without suing and putting up with a hole in our bathroom ceiling that has not been fixed in over a year. Now they are complaining because we are two weeks late and giving them their 60 days notice. How can the law protect them in this situation?

I’m still relatively new to all of the advances with digital design but over the last year I have been playing around with Photoshop, illustrator and flash, working on business cards, flyers, logos and website animation. I have been designing websites for several years now. As far as websites go, I stick to a very simple, basic and non-traditional style. I definitely enjoy working in these mediums and I’m coming up with some very interesting stuff. You can check out the new TripleEye logo  here — www.tripleeyemusic.com

My wife’s business cards were delivered yesterday and they look awesome! I definitely have a knack working with Adobe programs. So far the business cards that I’ve done are unique, stylish and professional.

Once I have a few more working designs to share, I will set up my own page at www.duendeartproductions.com — (glenn.duendeartproductions.com)… for now I’m available for contract work — e-mail me at glenn@duendeartproductions.com for all your ‘nontraditional’ business logo, flash, website, advertising, business card and flyer needs! I will beat anyone’s prices and this has nothing to do with quality or the time that I will spend on your project — this is not a primary source of income for me, just a little something I enjoy doing on the side for a little extra cash.

I’m also available through TripleEye music (glenn@tripleeyemusic.com) to write original music for movie soundtracks, advertising jingles and hooks. If you are a vocalist looking for original music to lay vocals on I look forward to working in this capacity as well. Over the next six months I will be updating the website with a variety of sample work. Unfortunately I have nothing to show you at this time but I will be available for contract work starting in March! I can only produce digital music because my physical disability has taken away my ability to play many instruments. Have no fear, my writing and production skills are better than ever. Whether you want a short instrumental track or a jingle with a catchy vocal hook, you will get quality original work! I will be giving away tracks to be used free of charge but there will be no guarantee that you will be the only one using this track — my free work will be available for anyone to use free of charge, as long as I approve of how the music will be used and providing “music written, produced and provided by Glenn Aum at www.tripleeyemusic.com” is clearly mentioned or displayed somewhere in the movie credits or somewhere within the advertisement itself. Original music written specifically for you or your company which will not be made available to anyone else can be arranged but it will cost you!

I think a big reason why I have yet to get started on the music is that I have been working on getting myself into college! For some reason I do not feel that it is morally acceptable to pursue a music career while I am collecting CPP disability!(I’m currently unable to work due to a seriously debilitating, muscle skeletal condition.) I cannot play guitar or drums but I can create music on  my computer thanks to my hands-free mouse by smartNAV! It is not 100% guaranteed that my music will takeoff in a way that I could start calling it my career, actually I don’t even think there’s a good chance that my music will start to bring in money regularly, at least not in the near future. Don’t get me wrong, I’m an extremely talented musician with tons of great ideas and it is only a matter of time before my music career does take off. The thing is that any music career takes investment and when you are only bringing in a tiny disability check every month it is hard enough to pay the bills let alone invest in your music! So I decided to go to school and acquire my career and work counselors diploma. In around three years from now I should be starting a new career as an employment counselor. This way I can work fairly regular hours at a job that does not cause me any pain (mostly talking and a small amount of computer use for which they will provide the necessary equipment), so I can earn a decent living while I continue to pursue my music/art career! I feel very good about this decision, not only for financial reasons but I will also feel like I’m contributing to society.

Throughout my life I have been horribly mistreated by society in general and I’m sure that most people in my shoes would not be looking for a way to rush back into the workforce! There is no way that I could feel good about milking the system and there is no doubt in my mind that the music that I would create, if I was milking the system, would most definitely reflect how shady I would feel about the whole situation! My musical expression has always given me a purpose in life, a reason to be part of the system and work hard for my money! There is no doubt in my mind that most people in my situation would probably just sit back and relax, while they create music and chase the dream while relying on the support offered by CPP disability. Personally, I can’t wait to have a real paycheck again!

For some reason I have been waiting for all of the school stuff to be out of the way before I dive into the music once again. I haven’t given it too much thought but I know that once I have received my acceptance letter from George Brown College I will be able to relax and start to enjoy the six months I have before I start school!

I’m guessing that it’s probably because I don’t want the creative energy to mix with all the scholarly stuff — paperwork, anticipation and financial stress. The reason why I say that “it is probably because…”, is because sometimes it don’t fully understand why I do the things I do or how my mind really works. All I know is that I am usually very well guided and there is almost always a very good reason for why I do things that I do, even if I am not fully aware of these reasons in the moment!

I will be attending an info session at George Brown College this evening followed by an interview one week from today.

It seems that the press is very willing to destroy this idea by using words like”spoiling the ballot”, “angry voters”,”expressing their disgust for politics” in their presentation of this issue!

Please follow this link to see what I’m talking about –  Spoiling ballot is a crime.

I am shocked and surprised at how ignorant and naïve these people can be! All we want is a way to express the fact that we do not feel comfortable voting for any of the parties currently running for office. When you read this news article it becomes very obvious that they are trying to paint a very negative picture of what kind of person would not want to vote for any of the parties currently running for office!

They go on to use the word “protest” as if to suggest that what we are asking for is not already one of our rights! If you look up the definition to the word protest in the dictionary you find that not only is it an objection, it is also usually an objection to something that the people are powerless to prevent or change. They use words like this because they want us to believe that what we are asking for is either wrong or unacceptable. They want us to believe that we will never have an option like this on the ballot?

We do not want a protest vote, what we want is the option to vote for none of the above. Just as basic as simple as that! We want a way to express the fact that we do not believe any of the candidates running for office are worthy of a seat in the House of Commons!

We are good, honest and hard-working citizens who do not feel that we have enough options with our current voting system. We would like more out of our government then they are currently willing to give us. All we want is for our government to be more accountable and more responsible!

We are not “Disaffected and angry voters” looking to “spoil our ballot”, we are unsatisfied Canadian citizens looking to have our opinions heard and acknowledged! We are not looking for a “legal way to express disgust for politics via the ballot, whether by scribbling on it, writing obscenities, or drawing pictures”, we are looking for a way to vote for none of the above or a way to show that we do not feel comfortable voting for any of the parties currently running for office!

Further down in the article they actually go on to say that “many Canadians are taking the lazy way out and staying home. Rates of voter participation have been declining with every election in recent history.” just after they point out that it is illegal for us to “spoil our ballot” or make any “protest” around the voting process, they have the nerve to assume that a low voter turnout is because Canadians are lazy. It should be obvious, should it not?

One of our politicians actually has the nerve to say that the “best strategy” if you are unsatisfied with your choice “is to become a candidate, or try to find a candidate worthy of support”.

There is obviously a much better option and that is what this Facebook page is all about! Please spread the word as we try to raise awareness about this very important and relevant issue surrounding the future of politics!

… … …
please follow this link to our Facebook page and show your support by becoming a fan –

http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=257914569050&ref=mf

The page is called “We Insist On A “None of The Above” Option On The Ballot!”

Imagine if you will, that we lived back in the day when we lived in tribes with no farming, no trade and no technology! A time when everyone pulls their own weight and contributs to the tribe in their own way. Some of us were hunters and others were gatherers, some of us tend to the fire while others cooked our food. In the evening after all of our chores were done the tribe would gather around the fire for music and dance. Not everyone would play the music and not everyone would dance, some of us would just sit around and enjoy conversation. It didn’t matter what activity you did in the evening, you still had to do the same amount of chores as everyone else. The fact that you could play guitar did not mean that you did not have to contribute to the tribe just like everyone else. If one of the musicians came to the tribe and suggested that he shouldn’t have to work all day because he is so much better at playing music than everyone else I’m sure he would get more than an earful from his fellow tribe mates! If he is so arrogant and full of himself that he actually started sitting around and doing nothing all day as if to suggest that he knew better and his music was more valuable than a hard days work, his fellow tribe mates would probably do everything they could to get him back to work or kick him out of the tribe altogether!

This is a metaphor that outlines the basic and fundamental philosophy of TripleEye music’s website and record company!

Okay, okay, I know what some of you are probably thinking. — That was then and this is now, we have an economic system that allows us to earn a living doing the things that we love to do and in someway I guess I agree with you but I ask that you at least consider what I’m trying to say.

Have you ever wondered why a musician or band’s first album is amazing and every album after that seems to go downhill? This is because their first album was written, recorded and produced during a time in their life when they were not famous and most likely not very wealthy. As any artist grows in popularity their reasons for creating music usually start to change and as a result the quality of music goes downhill. In most cases, these artists have no idea what to do with all the money and attention that they are getting, as they spend their days touring, partying and relaxing while they spend huge amounts of money on unnecessary truckloads of gravy! There has been very few artists who have managed to pull off a successful music career without the quality of their music going downhill. This is because they somehow understood the importance of their position while they use their time and money to benefit not only themselves but the world around them.

TripleEye music will only be working with artists, musicians and bands who understand this philosophy. Every artist on TripleEye music’s website will give their music away for free (as outlined on the ‘about us’ page of www.tripleeyemusic.com) and they will only be collecting money from their fans through paid membership to the artists website as well as ticket sales while on tour. Every artist on www.tripleeyemusic.com will put their money to good use. Not only is it required that every artist have a positive message contained within their music, they will also be expected to uphold a certain level of integrity throughout every aspect of their lives. Of course we understand that life is meant to be enjoyed and I am sure we will all do our fair share of partying and socialize as well as enjoying our fair share of leisure and relaxation, all of which cost money. It’s just that in order for us to enjoy spending our money on such things we must also do our very best to ensure that we spend a great deal of our time and money making the world a better place. Every artist will be expected to own and operate their own charitable organization as they demonstrate a solid commitment to relieving the world of as much pain, suffering and poverty as humanly possible!

This is all an attempt to evenly balance our karma and although our music will be generating an income, we will be working full-time, just like everyone else, making sure that our money is put to good use. We will all work hard and long hours as we ensure that a large portion of the money generated through our music is funneled back into the world, where the world needs it most!

Of course it will be necessary for every artist to continually invest in themselves and their own businesses, as a way to ensure the continued successful operation of their music business and charitable organizations! In no way am I suggesting that every artist spend all of their income on charity work. I am only making it very clear that a very generous amount of our time and money must be used in a way that makes our world a better place, for as long as our music is generating an income.

Any artist, musician or musical group that does not uphold this obligation with TripleEye music will be in violation of our agreement and their music as well as their bands webpage will be immediately removed from www.tripleeyemusic.com!

CDs are very soon to be a thing of the past – MP3s and other digital media file types are gradually increasing in quality and popularity! The major record companies are naturally trying to delay this change so they can continue to sell you an outdated product while they struggle to survive in an ever-changing music industry. This is the perfect time for independent artists and record companies to gain a foothold in the way of the future!

TripleEye music stands to become one of the most influential record companies of all time! Obviously we are not alone in this battle and we here at TripleEye music are doing everything we can to spread this message and raise awareness. It is a sad state of affairs when most of the musicians alive today are so used to things being the way they have been that they fail to see the opportunity for a better future! We have a golden opportunity and if we seize this opportunity we can give musicians of the future a freedom that professional musicians of the past have only dreamed of…

With the wonderful world of the Internet at our fingertips we no longer need the major record companies. All we need is for enough musicians to realize this opportunity, come together, work together and make this a reality! Realize the dream and make it a reality! But we can’t do it alone, we must group together… so this is why I’m asking you — spread the word, check out our website and ideas at www.tripleeyemusic.com.  You can also read more about these ideas right here on my blog in the music business category.

2008 and 2009 were  most definitely a couple of the most difficult years in my life! A physical injury has left me disabled, unable to earn a living and unable to play my guitar and write music like I have for more than 15 years. Music has always been my most powerful ambition and work has always been just a way to earn a living and continue playing my music. Whenever I had some free time I would play my guitar and whenever the mood was right I would write music. My current health condition makes it impossible to play my guitar or any other musical instrument for that matter, without causing myself an extreme amount of pain that lasts for a very long time. I’m in constant pain, every day but if I am to use my hands or arms for anything repetitive or strenuous the pain is increased substantially. As you might imagine, it has been extremely difficult for me to find any reason to continue enjoying life.  What I considered to be my purpose in life has been taken from me! Now I had to find another reason to keep going.

So here I am, facing one of the most difficult life-changing experiences that anyone could experience and on top of that I have to deal with the fact that I can no longer earn a living. Thankfully Canada has a fairly good social system that is in place to protect people like myself from winding up on the street, cold and hungry. Unfortunately, my condition is one that cannot be seen with any modern scientific device and is not visible to the naked eye. What this means is that my condition cannot be proven. I guess I am lucky that I was able to find Doctor who is willing to believe that something can exist even though he cannot prove that it exists. basically, all they have to go on is my story, what I say happened and what I say I am feeling/going through. Apparently, there are people in  our country who understand enough about certain conditions that they are able to fake their way through the system and reap the benefits for which they are not actually entitled. What this does is make it incredibly difficult for someone like myself to demonstrate the fact that I am actually entitled. To make a long story short, although  my claim with WSIB was denied, my claim with CPP disability has been approved.

I was starting to get a little upset with my doctor for delaying filling out my paperwork for CPP. I understand that my doctor is a busy man and that I have no idea how much work he has on his  table but I still do not feel like it is fair that I have to squawk and complain before he would fill out my paperwork. I guess it is possible that this is his way of feeling out how serious the situation is and/or how necessary it is that I receive these benefits. About a month after my EI payments had run out my doctor finally filled out the paperwork for CPP. Almost a month ago, I received a phone call from the adjudicator informing me that my claim had been approved and that my starting date for this claim was June of 2009. The good thing about this is that I will now receive a back payment to cover the benefits that I should’ve  been receiving since June of this year. So in a way I can thank my doctor for helping me save up a lump sum of cash!

Next week our bank account will  have a fairly substantial amount of cash deposited into it. As you might imagine, when someone like myself is in an out of work for the last few years, debt really starts to pile up! I’m continuously harassed by collectors calling to ask me when I will be making a payment. It is extremely annoying to have to repeat myself over and over again as I inform them that not only am I disabled but I am unemployed and unable to make any payments whatsoever. Of course, this does not stop them from calling over and over as if the harassing phone calls are gonna make it any more likely that I will be able to give them money that I do not have. I guess they are trying to scare me into thinking that I have to pay them back! Unfortunately for them I’m not so naïve and I realize that my standard of living as well as my mental health is far more important than taking care of a few thousand dollars worth of debt! Needless to say, the collectors will not be receiving any of this money whatsoever as my wife and I have a few very important things to take care of. I guess I could take the money that I will receive from CPP disability and pay off the collectors but then I would have to continue to suffer throughout the next year and go without many things that most people take for granted. I will not sacrifice our mediocre standard of living so that I can give money to a few collectors who obviously care very little about who I am or what I’m going through in life.

At this point in my life I have absolutely no career options and I need to do whatever I can to start earning an income. The computer that I am using now is almost 5 years old and is completely bogged down with a few programs that I need to run in order to use the system without causing myself more pain. I am unable to type or use a mouse without causing myself an extreme amount of pain, therefore I must use voice recognition software as well as a hands-free mouse to navigate and use this computer effectively without causing pain. These programs slow my computer down so much that I cannot run any other program! The reason why I have these tools is not only to use the Internet but also to use my music creation programs. With my computer the way it is now I can use the Internet and word processing programs just fine but when it comes to my music creation programs, the art programs or video editing programs, I just don’t have enough processing power. So here I am, sitting around at home every day with nothing to do and a computer that I can not use to create the music that I so enjoy. I can either take this money from CPP and buy myself a new computer so that I can run my music and art creation programs or I can take this money and give it to collectors who don’t care anything about my well-being so that I can just sit around for the next year with nothing to do, completely incapable of  creating my art and music! The choice seems simple to me! Music and art could very well  become a valuable source of income for us and our long-term future is far more important than a few thousand dollars worth of debt!

I’m looking at going to college next year in September to get my career and work counselors diploma so that I can start a new career in a few years from now. An employment counselor is a wise choice for someone in my situation because it would require very little use of my hands and arms. For my own mental well-being, I must find myself a suitable means of employment. I cannot and will not sit around for the rest of my life on disability feeling sorry for myself. Between now and September when I go back to school, I need to keep myself busy, not only for my mental health but also as a possible means to extra cash.

So we are gonna start off the new year with the purchase of brand-new computer, one that is fully capable of running all of the programs that I require. With the rest of the money my wife and I are going to enjoy a weekend or two away on vacation. We will not be giving any of this money to the harassing collectors because this money is much needed elsewhere! We have somehow survived the most difficult years of our lives, scrimping and saving as we just scrape by, barely surviving. We have had no money to enjoy life with as we are bombarded with stress and a constantly nagging fear that I will be without employment for a very long time. We need to spend this money on things that will make us happy as well as keep us productive in life. The last thing I’m going to do is give this money to a group of companies who profit off of the suffering of others. If I had of known what the future had in store for me I never would have taken a loan or used a credit card and I feel very strongly that it is more the fault of the banks and creditors then it is mine. They took a risk when they lent me the money and I will not continue to suffer and go without a few basic luxuries so that I can pay off a debt that is now mostly interest, which from a most rational perspective is more criminal than anything else!

With a very small monthly benefit that we will be receiving from CPP disability, the next year should turn out to be a little more enjoyable than the last two years of hell. I look forward to creating music and art as well as enjoying some of the culture that Toronto has to offer with my wonderful wife (And I guess I should point out — I have my wife to thank for helping me get through this difficult time in my life and I’m not sure if I could have done it without her — Daniela is my reason to continue on)!

dear Santa,

I am 33 years old (I guess you know that) and I guess there aren’t many people my age writing letters. Just like most people, I went through a time in my life when I did not believe in Santa Claus. When I was a young boy, I believed that Santa brought us Christmas presents every year and although I no longer believe that Santa Claus actually delivers material gifts, I do very much believe in the Spirit of Santa Claus. I honestly cannot remember the last time that I sent you a letter and I am happy to know that you are not the kind of person that would hold this against me. I know you’re a busy man so I will get right to the point…

This is what I want for Christmas and the new year: I wish for a mass awakening! — I would very much like for everyone from around the world to begin to realize how important honesty is. As soon as anyone starts to embrace the truth and how close honesty brings us together they will start to truly experience love and finally realize what they’ve been missing! I want people to realize how easy it is for everyone to live a satisfying and rewarding life full of love, happiness and joy. The key to a life full of love is honesty — all we have to do is live an honest life! I realize that there is no way to eliminate all the suffering in the world and that just because we are honest does not mean that we will have an easy life. I just know that when we live honestly we are filled with strength, comfort and a closeness that will help us get through even the most difficult times.

I would like for news stations and famous people to talk about this kind of thing more often! I wish people understood how important it is that we have integrity. Please do what ever you can to help make people think about and talk about how important it is that we all live honest lives. I think that this kind of message is far more important than who won the Grey cup or who won the super bowl!

I realize that this is a lot to ask but I can honestly think of no one more capable than Santa Claus! I know you will do everything you can and I just want you to know that I will also do everything I can to help spread this wonderful message…

Thank you,

Glenn

First off, I’d like to point out that Facebook is without a doubt the best social networking platform that the Internet has brought us. I believe that anyone who has not already signed up on Facebook must fall into one of  the following categories. Either they are for some reason, completely unaware of how important a social network is in one’s life, they are part of an older age category that is completely computer illiterate or they just have a few psychological issues to work out. We have all heard the excuses or some of the reasons that people come up with to explain why they just don’t have time for their friends! What possible reason could you have to avoid such an important part of life? Family is definitely number one but aside from that the only thing that we really have in life is our friends. Money, work and material things should not make up the bulk of your life! If your friends are computer illiterate — tell them to learn how to use a computer, it’s easy! If your friend can not type, tell them about voice recognition software –  Dragon NaturallySpeaking is an excellent program at a reasonable price — you talk it types! No excuses!

Okay, so it’s not a big deal, right? We all know that non-Facebook users must be afraid of something and then in some way we know that they are not well. That being said, it is still kind of understandable and it is probably not a good idea for anyone to make that big of a deal about it. I definitely do not recommend harassing your friends until they sign up on Facebook!… LOL

On to what I consider is a bigger issue… let’s talk about people who are on Facebook but for some reason they like to deny friendship requests or remove friendship from Facebook because of something that someone has said. I know I’m not the only one that this happens to but I would like to share my experience with you. What really bothers me is that the world is full of horribly rotten people who are so selfish and evil that they would lie, betray and even hurt you physically, yet people are getting upset with me for merely being honest. I’ve had a few so-called friends remove our friendship from Facebook and it is not because I have hurt them or because I have betrayed them. Actually I haven’t lied or betrayed a friend in a very long time! These people have removed our friendship from Facebook because of something that I have said. It’s not that I am a mean guy or an angry person at all — I’m not. I just speak my mind and in this day and age honesty is not very well excepted. Actually, my honesty in many cases  is considered to be rude. I just don’t get it. It doesn’t matter what someone would do or say to me I would never remove their friendship from Facebook if only for the reason that I might be able to further influence who they are through my interactions with them. If Hitler was alive today and a friend of mine on Facebook (I have no idea why this would ever happen so please do not assume that I’m a Nazi — definitely not!) I would not delete his friendship for any reason! The more positive influence in this man’s life the better and if I turned my back on him I would be turning my back on the world!

One day I was talking about how disrespectful it is for one of my friends to ignore the e-mails that I have sent him, I do this on a Facebook public forum and apparently this is crossing a line! Are they looking for reasons to delete friends on Facebook? I just don’t get it! I would never do anything to hurt someone and I would never betray someone’s trust! there are so many bad people in the world who lie, cheat and steal their way through life — so many friends that cannot be trusted yet I am the bad guy for speaking my mind! The whole thing is ridiculous — what is wrong with you people?

Of course, it is not about the quantity of friendship is about the quality of friendship and I am thankful for the wonderfully loving and accepting friends that I do have. The few friends who have either denied my friendship or deleted my friendship from Facebook are not the kind of people that I would enjoy being around anyways (although I would share words and I would never shun them). It’s not like it’s a big deal and it is definitely no skin off my back but for some reason it does bother me — I guess it’s because I care, not just about myself, my family and my friends, I care about people and the world in general. When I sent an e-mail to these so-called friends to complain about their decision to remove our friendship they actually suggested that there is something wrong with me for caring so much! Infuriating, that these people can be so cold and heartless!

Good riddance — may peace and love somehow find its way into your hearts…

High school is an important part of all of our lives and just like most things in life, what happens in high school affects who we will become later in life. In grade 9 and 10 I was not very popular at all and had only a few friends. Our group of friends were a good group of friends, we stuck to our selves mostly and we were not the partying type. I was not the kind of kid that people picked on but I also wasn’t very happy because I didn’t feel like many people really liked me. It wasn’t until I started to play guitar with local farmer that I started to make more friends and gain more respect around school. It is amazing what playing a guitar in a rock band can do for popularity. By the time I reached grade 12 I was very popular throughout the high school. Many people knew who I was and called me by name but I only knew a fraction of their names. Looking back, I admit that I wasn’t a very nice guy. People admired and respected me for my ability to play the guitar and not for who I was. I was popular but no one really knew who I was.

After high school, the band moved out west to British Columbia but we replaced Jeff (our vocalist) with Kevin. Jeff is an extremely talented musician with a lot of creativity but he just did not have the ambition or drive that we were looking for. He would constantly show up for practice with a case of beer ready to get hammered. Every practice and show was and excuse to party and we regularly brought this up and warned him that if he could not take it seriously that we would have to replace him or give up on local farmer altogether. Our issues with his drinking and lack of seriousness was made very clear.  Unfortunately, when we finally did kick him out of the band, none of us really had the heart to tell them exactly why. After Kevin joined the band we never heard from Jeff again. I remember one time we went to a club to watch his band perform and I did talk to him for a few minutes but he was very distant and cold. We recorded a few albums with Kevin and although we were making some pretty good headway and the future looked pretty good, the broke up due to a few differences of opinion. Since the band broke up I have not spoken with any of them except for my brother and it has been many years at this point.

About five years ago, I moved back to Ontario and one of the first things I did was look up Jeff and Kevin. I found both of their e-mail addresses and sent them both an e-mail just basically asking how things were and wondering if maybe they would want to get together for a drink for old times sake. Neither one of them responded to my e-mail. Over the next couple of years I’ve tried to reconnect with Jeff by sending him another e-mail to the same address as well as sending e-mails to friends of his, including his girlfriend Kate and I even left a phone number so he could contact me if he wasn’t an e-mail kind of guy. I still received no response whatsoever from Jeff.

A couple of years ago there was a thread on one of the Huntsville high school Facebook pages about local farmer and one of Jeff’s friends mentioned something about how the band broke up before Jeff moved to British Columbia. I thought I would take the opportunity to set the record straight at the same time try to get a rise out of Jeff. So I clarified and stated that the band did not break up when Jeff moved to BC and what actually happened was that the band kicked Jeff out because of his and lack of seriousness. Almost immediately I received an e-mail from his girlfriend Kate who was very angry with me for saying such things about Jeff on a public forum. After numerous attempts of trying to reconnect with him and all I had to do was piss him off. It was difficult for me to understand why an old friend would not want to reconnect or least share a few words in an e-mail or something. I figured that he must be holding some sort of grudge if he cannot show me a little respect and respond to an e-mail. So I took the opportunity to say what I never got to say way back when. How can Jeff be upset with me when it was his own fault that we kicked him out of the band? I figured maybe it was wrong of us not to be honest with him so many years ago.

Anyways, I understand why my words upset them but I do not understand why they have to turn this around and make it look like I am the ass hole. Apparently Kate sent copies of our e-mail correspondence to a few of their friends who are also friends of mine on Facebook. It was only just the other day that I realized that a couple of my friends were no longer my friends on Facebook. So I sent them an e-mail and ask them what’s up. One of my friends (I probably should not call them friends) explained that he removed my friendship from Facebook because I had been rude to Kate. I am shocked at how immature these people are and how ridiculous this whole situation is.

I make numerous attempts to reconnect with old friends only to have them ignore my e-mails. Now they are trying to suggest that there’s something wrong with me for wanting to reconnect with old friends and that it is wrong of me to assume that their cold shoulder is because they are still holding a grudge. What really gets me is that Jeff and his girlfriend have somehow been able to convince other friends of mine that I’m somehow a bad person or not worthy of their friendship.

I guess I should be thankful, as I don’t really care to be friends with people who would make snap judgments based on gossip, hearsay or incomplete information. Obviously there is more to the story than this and I have only been made aware of a small portion of what is actually going on. Basically, almost the entire circle of friends from high school has somehow been convinced that I’m not worthy of a friendship or even an e-mail to explain. Apparently this group of friends has not grown up since high school. I didn’t want to reconnect with friends so that I could experience all of the immature games that people play in high school. I was actually hoping that these people had grown up and actually turned into mature adults.

The world is seriously fucked up and it is becoming increasingly difficult for good, honest and loving individuals to find good friends. Everywhere you turn you find selfish cowards who have no idea how to think for themselves.

We are all here to become better people and good friends realize that issues need to be brought out into the open and expressed. If you have an issue with someone then it is your obligation to enlighten this individual to what they have done that has upset you or disappointed you, so that they can if necessary, do whatever it takes to correct the situation or look at what they can do to become better people. If you do not have it in yourself to express your concerns to your friends then whatever issue you may have is not really of value. If you are in the right and your issues are just then you would know how to express this. If you cannot express the concerns you have with someone to their face then you probably do not have any right to have these concerns in the first place!

One of Jeff’s friends, Chris actually had the nerve to suggest that I must be the one having trouble letting go of the past. Now why would I hold a grudge against someone that I kicked out of the band?

Well, there you go — I hope you enjoyed my rant… I just had to get that off my chest!

Of course, it’s not a big deal, because the few friends that they were somehow able to convince that I was not worthy of friendship did not really know me very well so there is no real loss. Anyone who knows me well, knows that I am nothing if not a good, honest and loving friend!

I’m actually probably far better off without them in my life — so I’m thankful!

After three years of Hell (and I mean that almost literally), we finally have a little security! Three years ago when I first injured myself at work and I lost my job we were both terrified and unsure of our future. Since that time I have had my WSIB claim denied, been accused of exaggerating my condition to avoid having to work and I was also sent, by that same employer, to a doctor who they paid to tell me that there was nothing wrong with me! Over the last three years I have suffered through numerous accounts of prejudice and discrimination, which is crazy because I am without a doubt, one of the most honest individuals to walk the earth since Jesus Christ! (LOL… I just had to say that.) Seriously though, I have an impeccable work ethic and as if a seriously debilitating and painful condition wasn’t bad enough, now I have to be subjected to all this other bullshit.

Last week I was informed that my CPP disability claim has been approved. So I am relieved, not only because I will now receive a small monthly check but also because I finally have the recognition I so deserve. Now it’s not just because I am whining about the pain, the government agrees that I’m unable to work.

After three years of constantly worrying about how we are going to get through the next month and constantly battling with people suggesting that I should just grin and bear it, now I can stop worrying and at least try to enjoy this time that I have to be alive. I am an extremely creative person with a lot to say and finally I can focus on my future.

I’m not going to sit around and waste away on disability. Obviously, I want to find myself a good job as soon as possible. Problem is that any position that I am qualified for requires a certain amount of physical effort which I’m unable to perform.  Hopefully I will be approved for second career funding and I will be going to school next fall. All going well I will have my career and work counselors diploma within the next three years and I will be back to work.

Between now and the time I go back-to-school, I have time to express myself creatively and focus on my music and writing. I’m looking forward to creating a bunch of new music on my new computer (equipped so that I do not have to use my hands) and I also plan on writing some short stories and choose your own adventure stories. I’m really excited about this because for the last three years I’ve been so bombarded with stress and bullshit that I could not focus on what truly makes me happy. Even when I was working full time I could always find time for myself and my hobbies but when you are unemployed because of a disability there is so much stress and worry that even though you have a lot of time on your hands it is difficult to focus on anything productive.

What a relief! Thank you CPP disability!

One thing I can say about this whole experience is that it has been incredibly enlightening. My condition and/or situation is such that it brings out either the best or the worst in people. I have been given a glimpse of what people are truly made of and I’m sorry to say that there is far too much prejudice in the world and as far as Canada is concerned, our government is not doing enough to ensure that employees are protected from employers who care more about the bottom line. If WSIB did a better job of holding employers responsible when people such as myself injure themselves in the workplace, these employers would be more careful with their hiring and training process. If my employer was made to be concerned about how they would suffer if I injured myself at work this employer probably would not have hired me in the first place (not only had I never worked a physically demanding labor job before, I have never worked out in my life, I get very little exercise and I haven’t played any sport since grade school). I don’t believe it is a very wise decision to hire a 30-year-old man, six-foot tall and 145 pounds to perform a physically demanding job if they have never worked a physically demanding job before and they do nothing to stay in shape. Looking back, I realize how stupid it was for me to take this job in the first place but the money was very attractive and came with the promise of a machine operator position within the first two years (I had two years of machine operator experience but that position involved very light to moderate physical effort). I am inexperienced and I was not prepared for how physically demanding this job was. HR should have known better, with years of experience, she should have asked the right questions. If WSIB was better at holding employers responsible she would’ve thought twice about hiring someone who is not physically capable of doing the work! Our government should be doing something about WSIB but it seems as though they have more important things to waste their time on like prohibition!

We are already decorating our place. The tree is up with some lights in the window and Daniela is busy cleaning our mess. This is actually a very interesting situation, as some of you may already know, I have never really been that into Christmas. Actually, for the last 10 years I have avoided decorating altogether and you were lucky if I ever got you a present or even a card. Although we will not be spending money on presents this year (we are broke), we will be doing everything that we can to make sure that we all have a good Christmas. Around here, all that means is that we are decorating, listening to Christmas music and watching Christmas movies. We are doing our best to embrace the good things about Christmas without sacrificing our integrity like most people do when they embrace all the pressures involved with a commercialized Christmas.

Happy holidays! — are we early? — for us, all of December is Christmas!

I am still in shock, literally in shock! Daniela (my wife) and I had been working very hard with our friend Maria Gagliardi in preparations for a live art show at Oregano (Daniela’s father’s restaurant) on November 20 (last Friday). I think we started putting the show together about six months ago but most of the work started about three months ago. Daniela’s father, Pino, who is the restaurant owner, was kind enough to work with us and allow us to put on a show at his restaurant. Actually, after Daniela’s last show, which was on a Wednesday, Pino insisted that we do another show at his restaurant, this time on Friday. Pino really enjoyed Daniela’s last show and thought we would have a better turnout on a Friday evening. Unfortunately we were unable to afford The Harlots (the burlesque act from the last show which Pino really enjoyed) because they wanted $2000 for the evening. Even the cost for just two dancers was too much for us. The last show was for charity and the harlots actually donated their performance. Anyways, I’ll try to make a long story short and get to the point…

About three months before the show we informed Pino that we could not get the harlots but that we would have a live Latin jazz band as well as another Latin dance act but we were afraid that we would not be able to sell enough tickets. In order for us to cover the cost of the band, dancers and the dinner we needed to sell at least 50 tickets. So we approached Pino and said  “we can only do this show if you can guarantee  that you will sell at least 30 tickets and we will guarantee that we sell at least 30 tickets, otherwise it is too risky for us and we will not do the show”. We were having an extremely difficult time selling tickets to people around the city because they just don’t want to leave the city to go up to Vaughan for the evening. So he promised that he would sell at least 30 tickets and for us not to worry.

We sold 35 tickets and Pino sold no tickets. This wasn’t such a big deal because Pino was actually kind enough to reduce the price per plate low enough that our production team did not run at a loss and for that I am thankful. What I did not appreciate was how Pino decided to approach us on the day of the show and request that we end our show at eight o’clock so that he could entertain his guests with his regular Friday act. On the weekends they have a musician who plays for the regular crowd. Apparently when Pino realized that he was not going to sell his share of the tickets and he realized that he was gonna run at a loss, he decided to double book and tried to strong-arm us out of the building.

Basically, he wanted us  to send the band home early so that he could entertain the house with his regular entertainer. In other words, we are supposed to tell the 35 guests who paid $75 per seat that they were not gonna get the entertainment that they were promised. When Pino brought this up on the afternoon of the show I very quickly responded with  “if we knew this ahead of time we would not have done the show!”, which apparently is not an appropriate way to talk to Pino. Apparently honesty is not accepted and I should not raise my voice when I am offended.

In a pathetic attempt to shut Pino up, Maria and Daniela made the mistake of trying to compromise by suggesting that if our band receives complaints that we will send the band home. I responded to that with “no, we will not be sending the band home, we promised our guests a show and that is what they will get!”… it is important to mention that the musical act that Pino wanted to replace our band with is a joke. Sure, regular patrons of the restaurant enjoy his music but that doesn’t mean that he is good enough for our audience. Imagine you pay $75 for show and the exceptionally talented, Latin jazz band that you are enjoying is kicked off and replaced with some washed up musician who’s been playing at the same Italian restaurant for years. The band that we had booked for this evening was exceptional in every way. I know my music and anyone who cannot recognize the talent should have their head examined.

Throughout the evening we had Pino freaking out, telling us that the band had to get off the stage because the audience does not like them. Not only is this band amazing but all we’ve been hearing from our guest is how great they are. Pino was trying to tell us that the audience did not like the band and that they were complaining. On the night of, I just assumed that it was his customers (the ones that he probably should not have been serving if they did not like Latin jazz) that were complaining but a few days later we find out from the restaurant staff that it was only Pino who was complaining about the band aside from one of his tables who did not like the volume but thought that the band was actually pretty good.

It was unfortunate because while everyone was enjoying a wonderful show, the three people involved with putting on the show could not enjoy it because they had some arrogant, prejudice, asshole trying to ruin their evening. Our performance suffered that evening because all three of us were bombarded with so much negativity. A bunch of little things went wrong throughout the evening and I’m sure that this had a lot to do with how much stress we were going through.

Pino was very aware that we had a Latin jazz band booked for the evening at least three months  ahead of time. We also gave him the opportunity to back out if he did not think that this is the type of show that he could sell 30 tickets to. When he agreed to sell at least 30 tickets he was aware that the live band was in fact a Latin jazz band. If he wanted to complain about the jazz band or if he thought it was inappropriate for an Italian restaurant, he should’ve brought that up three months ago. The fact that he would even try to unload this on us, the night of the show, knowing how much heart and soul we have put into this over the last few months is unbelievable. Even if he was just a business partner and this was nothing more than business he would still be stepping way out of line. He is Daniela’s father and this is family that we are talking about. This man is obviously very sick and mentally ill. At first I was incredibly pissed off and frustrated, then I went through a day or two of feeling very sad and sorry for this man — now I’m a bit of both.

I don’t care if he is my father-in-law, I don’t care if he is some big mobster, I don’t care if he is so mentally ill that he would want to kill me if he read this, this man will never see me again and I will never have any thing good to say about him. I forgive him already but it is very obvious that there is no way to get through to this man and I will never give him a chance to hurt or betrayed us ever again. For my own health and safety, this man will never see or hear from me again.

Obviously I would not recommend this restaurant to anyone, if Pino is capable of treating his family in this way it is not difficult to imagine how he must treat others and I would strongly encourage anyone to avoid  any contact or interaction with this man.

TripleEye music’s website/record company’s design is geared towards creating a better future, in whatever way we can, with everything that we work with, touch or affect. We will use the Internet in such a way that our bands will not have their CDs manufactured with oil products, later to be distributed using more oil products. There is also the added benefit of  reducing costs which will save both the artists and our consumers money. You can read more about our record company design by clicking on the music category of this blog. All of these ideas have been inspired by a world full of waste — wasted resources, wasted energy and wasted money.

On this note, I have decided that we will not be signing bands who do not use their music to raise awareness. There are so many musical groups nowadays who write music about having fun, partying and getting high with absolutely no moral or ethical value whatsoever. We will not waste our time with groups of this kind no matter how talented or popular they may be. Music should always be about having a good time and enjoying life but we should not do this while we are neglecting ourselves or the planet. Music is a wonderful medium for enlightening the masses. Any musician who does not use their gifts as a way to raise awareness, uplift and inspire the listener are letting their gifts go to waste. It is for this reason that TripleEye music will only be signing musical groups who incorporate some sort of moral or ethical values in their music.

We do not expect that every song be filled with moral lessons but in order for your music group to be considered by our record company, your group should have some sort of moral purpose that becomes very evident when listening to an album’s worth of  material.

The other day my wife is on one of my good friends Facebook page and she says “I don’t think ‘******’ is doing well” so asked her why and she says “his mother says…”. I won’t get into the details or the names involved but I will say that what my friend’s mother had to say was not appropriate for a Facebook wall. It is definitely not a good idea to hang others dirty laundry out for everyone to see and it is definitely not a good idea for someone’s mother to write embarrassing stuff on her son’s wall for everyone to see. This particular friend of mine has always had a rough time with people assuming the worst of him, so the last thing he needs is his mother giving them all another reason to think negatively about him.

So I came straight out and told this woman exactly what I thought of her. I suggested that it might be a good idea to avoid insulting her son on his wall and that it is probably not a good idea for a mother to tell her son (who is an adult) what to do, especially in front of all of his friends. I closed off by straight up calling her a bitch. I am all for love, compassion and acceptance and I’m sure that some people would consider calling your friend’s mother bitch, something that lacks all three values. I actually believe that in order to love someone completely you must be honest and sometimes tough love is the best medicine. There is also a good reason to suggest that this woman needed a taste of her own medicine. Maybe she needs to know what it feels like to be insulted in front of friends and family. Except I don’t think that calling her a bitch is actually an insult.

It’s funny because in her response to what I had to say about her inappropriate comments on her son’s wall she suggested that I was insane and made a few other wild accusations which only further demonstrate how negative and downright evil this woman can be.

It’s hard for me to understand how this woman could actually think that something is wrong with me for standing up for my friend. She has some nerve talking to her son like that but talking to her son like that in front of everyone is absolutely ridiculous.

A mother’s effect on us is powerful and it really is unfortunate when our mothers cannot find it in their heart to be kind, warm and gentle. When a mother is coldhearted and basically downright evil, it is very hard for any sibling because we naturally want the loving connection but everywhere we turn we find resistance and friction. It is this type of behavior that causes so much dysfunction, heart ache, loneliness, depression, anxiety, insecurities, etc. etc.  Unfortunately, most mothers suffer from an extremely stubborn case of denial and they will never find themselves listening to the advice of their children or anyone from a younger generation, for that matter. If they could only stop and listen to what the children have to say they might learn something. I guess it is hard for them, who wants to realize that they are responsible for so much pain and suffering in their children’s lives.

For some of you stubborn, uptight and narrowminded mothers out there it might seem like I’m blowing it out of proportion. How can a simple bitchy attitude or cold nature cause so much damage? Well, it is usually very difficult for a child to realize why their mother is not loving them or being kind to them. In most cases children will naturally assume that something is wrong with themselves and think they have done something to deserve this when this is actually very far from the truth. When a mother acts in such a way, it forces the child to stay inside their shell, too insecure and afraid to confront life and reality. A child looks to its mother to know when it is safe to come out of the shell and so many mothers spend most of their time giving their children reason to be afraid of the world. If your own mother does not have it in her to love, respect and treat you fairly, why would you assume anything different of the rest of the world?

I guess I was one of the lucky ones but it still took me a very long time to figure out what the problem was. I don’t think I found my way out of my shell completely until I was around 30 years old and it was only because I somehow found the courage to confront my mother as I realized that it was not my fault that she was treating me in such a way. I realized that my mother is sick and she treated me in this way because she did not know any better. As soon as I made this realization, my whole life changed.

It really upsets me to see one of my friends being treated with such disrespect from someone who should be loving them and comforting them.

I have just sounded an alarm that I hope will alert a few spiritual karma police to a woman in need of attention. If such a thing exists at all — I have faith that in some way or another, this woman is struggling, as we speak, with some serious mental issues while she battles with her internal demons. If she needs angels, send her a few angels. She definitely does not need any more demons!

I am hoping that she somehow finds her way to this blog so she can see that I’m not some idiot and I’m actually someone who understands and cares a lot about my good friend.

After our last visit I found myself once again insulted by some of your questioning. I find I have very little chance to express myself in the few minutes that we have together. Lately I’m finding that you are rushing me out of your office more than usual. I understand that you’re a busy man with many patients to take care of but I have something that I really have to get off my chest and I would very much appreciate it if you would read this e-mail in its entirety. I will try to keep it as brief as possible.

During my doctor’s appointment on Friday you asked about one of my employment opportunities (working with photographers) for the third time. I bring up how difficult it is for Daniela and I to get by on her income alone and you bring up an employment opportunity that I turned down for specific reasons, as if to suggest that I’m making a mistake or that I do not know how to take care of my own responsibilities. I have to wonder what you must think of me, you must think I am the kind of person who needs to be reminded of my responsibilities. What kind of person needs to be reminded of their responsibilities? — You treat me as if I am an irresponsible child in need of parenting. I guess it isn’t fair of me to expect you to know what kind of person I am as you have only known me for two years but I also do not think it is fair of you to assume the worst of me when I’ve given you no reason to think such things.

I have always had an excellent work ethic and it does not matter where I work I am always well-recognized as one of the best in the room. I am a good, honest and hard-working individual, who is unable to work because of an extremely debilitating condition. I’m the kind of person who enjoys the finer things in life. Daniela and I moved into the city so that we could enjoy the city and all it has to offer. We love to go out and be a part of the arts, music and entertainment. We love to go out for dinner with friends and family. These are all things that I can no longer do because I am unable to find employment. It seems like every time I have a doctors appointment with you, you feel that you have to remind me of my employment responsibilities, as if I’m not doing everything that I can on my own. Why would you assume this of me? Our rent check bounced last month and we have had to make serious sacrifices with our diet as we are forced to budget — trust me, I am well aware of how important it is that I find employment!

I have done everything in my power to try and find work that will not aggravate my condition or cause me an extreme amount of pain. You talk as if it should be easy for someone like myself to find work because the government offers incentives to employers who hire people with disabilities. There are very few jobs in the world that do not involve the regular use of our hands, whether it be writing, filing, regular lifting, machine operating or using a computer. They have recently come out with equipment that would allow someone like myself to use a computer without my hands but unfortunately voice-recognition software does not work in a loud environment and they are also concerned with privacy issues. What this means is that this equipment can only be used on a computer that will be used in a quiet cubicle or office. As you might already be aware, it is very difficult for someone with my experience and lack of education to find a desk job where I get my own cubicle or office. I have sent out many resumes with no response. Employers may receive incentives when they hire people with disabilities but this does not mean that they will hire people who lack the necessary experience or education simply because they are disabled — if that was the case people would lie on their resume about being disabled so they could get a position that they were not qualified for.

I am an intelligent individual with an excellent work ethic and your continued line of questioning insults me tremendously. For a while I just put up with it because I felt like you were just trying to get to know me but at this point I have had enough.

I’m 33 years old and there is nothing that I want more than to be able to enjoy my life. Finding suitable employment is my number one priority and I’m not used to having to explain myself like this. It has always been very easy for me to earn the respect of my peers and employers. Over the last three years I have found myself having to explain myself over and over again. Never in my life have I had people suggesting that I am anything less than and exceptional human being. Now I have people suggesting that  I am irresponsible or unwilling to work when the truth is that I am in an extreme amount of pain and I am unable to work most jobs. Employers are unwilling to accommodate my condition and my doctors are unable to diagnose my condition! Yet for some reason people are treating me as if this is all my fault.

I think it was a little more than six months ago when you assured me that a lack of diagnosis would not be an issue. I was specifically concerned with my CPP disability claim. Many times I have requested that you send me to another rheumatologist for a second opinion because I was very unhappy with Dr. Carratt’s horrible bedside manner as well as his lack of diagnosis. When Dr. Carratt asked the intern what she thought my condition was, she said “everything  points to RSI” and Dr. Carratt responded with “we have to be careful with that because that might suggest that this was a workplace injury”, he then diagnoses me with ‘nonspecific arthrosis’. I have done a great deal of research on the subject and found that my condition resembles, in every way — tendinitis or RSI. I looked up the symptoms and patterns for every possible condition and I am absolutely shocked that my doctors are unable to diagnose my condition. I’ve had my feet diagnosed with tendinitis from a foot doctor a couple years ago. I’ve also had my hands diagnosed with tendinitis but this doctor was unwilling to put it in writing. Apparently, this is why he no longer works in family practice — he says he was not able to be an honest Doctor because of all the pressure from WSIB and employers with regards to diagnosing a patient without physical evidence. He told me that I had tendinitis but not to expect this diagnosis from doctors. I guess what I’m trying to say here is that I understand your predicament. What I do not understand is why you seem to think that I deserve to be treated as if I am some sort of irresponsible delinquent.

According to the requirements for CPP disability, as long as I am a Canadian citizen who is suffering from a severe and prolonged disability I am entitled to these benefits. severe — meaning that my condition seriously impacts my ability to find suitable employment and prolonged — meaning that it has lasted for more than a year and most likely will continue to last for a year or more. I am entitled to these benefits and if my claim is denied it will be because either the adjudicator is incompetent or my doctor is unable to  demonstrate my entitlement. It is your responsibility as my doctor to ensure that I get the proper treatment, services and/or benefits that I am entitled to.

Not only has my disability taken away my ability to earn a living, it has also taken away my ability to play a musical instrument. I have been a singer-songwriter/guitar player for over 15 years of my life and I am exceptional (or should I say ‘was’ exceptional). I was not a professional working musician but I most definitely played at a professional level. I could make a few dollars here and there teaching guitar lessons but most importantly I was well on my way to becoming a professional songwriter. I have never counted on my music taking off in such a way that I could quit my day job but I always counted on my music being an important creative outlet as well as a way to earn some extra money on the side.

The last few years of my life have been the most devastating and horrible years of my life. I’m very lucky that I have a wife who is willing to stand by me throughout all of this because most women would’ve left by now and I would’ve been forced onto the street or back into the workforce despite the terminus amount of pain I would be in. As if this wasn’t bad enough I also have to deal with employers, doctors and a system questioning my integrity while they fail to provide me with the necessary treatment and services for which I am entitled.

You know that I respect and appreciate everything that you have done for me so far, I just want you to understand my situation and the best way possible. I need you to believe in me, I deserve nothing less.

I think this is probably the 10th time that I have asked you this — could you please send me to another rheumatologist for a second opinion. I would also very much appreciate it if you would send me to a pain specialist.

Thank you for your time and please don’t forget to send CPP disability the required information.
Sincerely,
Glenn

PS… I have attached my resume for you to look over and if it is necessary I can provide you with a number of character references. Whatever I can do to demonstrate my sincerity.

It looks as if I will have a lot of spare time on my hands throughout the next year. I am unable to find work that will accommodate my disability and I will not be starting school until September of next year. Hopefully, I will be going to George Brown College next year to get my “career and work counselor” diploma, so that I can start working as an employment counselor. Volunteering at the local ‘Jobstart’ center seems like a great way to spend much of my spare time. This will get me out of the house and give me something to do while at the same time providing some necessary experience. This will also give me an opportunity to refresh and enhance the necessary skills for this career.

Obviously, my music, website and record company, along with a few other projects I have going on, are very important to me but I have a feeling that it will be a number of years before I am making enough money with these projects that I will not have to work a day job. Working as an employment counselor will help me to pay the bills as well as allow me the time to work on my other projects.

I’m actually very excited about volunteering. I’ve been off work since February of this year and I’m really starting to understand what cabin fever is all about. Daniela and I usually like to go out and enjoy the city with our friends but now that I have no income we cannot afford to go out at all. I spend way too much time in front of this computer. Totally understandable, given the fact that I am unable to play guitar or draw and paint like I used to. I’m sure that I will only be working one or two days a week (I doubt I could afford any more transit than that) but I’m happy to have something to do and something to work towards that does not involve sitting in front of this computer.

I’m happy you like my ideas and the website’s concept — as for the future and what it looks like right now — all you have to judge it on is the idea and concept! You can not judge the website on its lack of material because it doesn’t matter how good an idea is it has to start somewhere.

The idea is to get as many bands as possible together, delivering their music to the audience from the same place. The website that delivers more music before everyone else will be the ones to really make it.

At first it seems like the best idea would be to gather up as many musicians as possible but we also have a reputation to uphold… I’ve also turned away many musicians! TripleEye Music is about quality and not quantity!

The idea is for musicians with a similar philosophy to stick together and work together. When we get to the point where we have many bands operating under the same domain name, at that point we will be sharing our visitors hits, which means many more hits to your band’s page and with extra hits will come advertising money (TripleEye Music will sell advertising space and use that money to buy advertising space), as TripleEye Music gets more popular so will your band!

To start off with, the legalities will be fairly simple — if you want a page for your band on this website all you have to do is submit your demo and bio for approval — if and when your band is approved you get your own page that you can do with as you please as long as you follow our free music guidelines*. To start off with, bands can come and go as they please, with no sign-up costs and no penalties if you should ever decide to take your page elsewhere. (This may change in time as TripleEye Music increases in popularity)…  It will be the band’s obligation to take care of its own webpage. Bands who do not know how to design their own webpage or who lack the necessary funding to have a webpage designed for them, can have TripleEye Music design their page for them at a reasonable rate.

This next part should be the most appealing for you — TripleEye Music will never take a cut from your profits! Any money that you make with your bands page is 100% yours! The only thing TripleEye Music gets from having your bands page under its domain is the opportunity to advertise to your fans. Most of the advertising will take place on the main page of the website with only a small amount of advertising actually taking place on your band’s webpage.(any advertising done on your band’s webpage will be mutually agreed upon with any restrictions to be stated in writing at the beginning of the relationship)

I’m not the kind of guy who sits around ironing out all the details for a plan yet to be executed. I’m the kind of guy who just takes it as it goes, I trust my instincts and I deal with issues as they arise.

The idea is to bring a group of musicians together in a way that we all benefit from one another without anyone getting the short end of the stick.

I get the benefit of selling advertising to your fan base and you get the benefit of leaching off TripleEye Music’s combined fan base. The more bands to join the better it is for everyone.

I realize there are a few other sites with something similar in mind but there is nothing quite like TripleEye Music. Once this ball is rolling I’m sure the word-of-mouth will be quite spectacular!

TripleEye Music gives bands the freedom to be themselves without sacrificing a percentage of their profits! TripleEye Music does not have the allure or tempting nature that major record companies or even some independent record companies have. With major record companies you have all of their money and reputation backing you but it comes at a huge cost. With TripleEye Music your success is greatly dependent on how good your music is and no matter how big you get — all the money is yours!(except for my ads on your page)

If your band is not good enough to attract the attention of a few major record companies then you’re probably not good enough to be considered by TripleEye Music. TripleEye Music will definitely be willing to sign bands that major record companies might reject for any number of reasons but TripleEye Music will not be wasting its time with anything less than professional musicians. We encourage any and all submissions — just keep in mind that we are holding the bar very high for this site.

*free music guidelines — will be ironed out and decided on between TripleEye Music, your band and our lawyers.

Did I mention that TripleEye Music pays for the web hosting?

Most bands would pass this up for a major record deal any day but we are not looking for most bands. If they don’t see the beauty in this idea then we didn’t want to work with them anyways.

Thanks for your consideration and I would appreciate any feedback that you may have.

Edit — Thursday, November 12, 2009:  Upon further consideration, I have realized that the money that tripleeyemusic will make from advertising alone will not be sufficient to run the record company. We have to make sure that we have enough money coming in to take care of all foreseeable expenses and salaries with enough left over to reinvest in the company. All profits from products and services that the band sells through their webpage will go to the band, without tripleeyemusic taking a cut. Memberships to the band’s webpage will be sold through tripleeyemusic.com and TripleEye Music will take a small, but fair percentage of the revenue collected through memberships. This will ensure that our record company will grow along with the bands. TripleEye Music wants to make sure that the bands make as much money as possible but at the same time the record company has to earn enough money to make it all worthwhile. Because this record company will have far less expenses than your usual record company, bands who sign with us are sure to make a hell of a lot more money than any band who signs with a major company.

“Will CPP disability approved my claim?”

Daniela and I are preparing for the worst, having to cut back on all of our expenses so that we can survive for the next year or more with only one income. There is a fairly good chance that I will receive funding from second career, which will help pay for rent and expenses while they put me through a couple years of college. Unfortunately they will not help with rent or expenses until I start school in September 2010. In other words, Daniela and I have to figure out how to survive for the next year on Daniela’s income alone. That is unless CPP disability decides to approve my claim which will give us an extra $700 a month.

An extra $700 a month would really help us out and it’s not just about the money it’s the principle of it all. If my claim is not approved it will be because of a combination of factors; If the adjudicator chooses to have us suffer without our due benefits, it will be a result of two important factors. Our medical community is unaware of what I am going through and completely unsure of how to diagnose my condition and Canadian employers are unwilling to accommodate someone in my condition. If they deny my claim they would be saying that I should be able to either work a normal job or find employment with the company who is willing to accommodate my condition. Of course, I cannot do either of these and both of the reasons are completely out of my hands. I know what I’m going through and I know exactly what my limitations are so when someone tells me that I should be able to do something that I obviously cannot, it is easy for me to see what their limited insight is a result of. There is absolutely no doubt in my mind that if they were in my shoes they would see things differently.

Basically, I guess what I’m trying to say here is that in order for the adjudicator to do her job properly she is going to have to approve my claim. If she does not approve my claim she will be inadvertently suggesting that I am making up stories or exaggerating my condition. If you know what kind of person I am you know how offended I would be by this. I’m a very intelligent man, so if I want to get away with ripping off a certain amount of money every month as a way to survive I would not be going after $700 of the governments money. I could find many other ways, most likely starting somewhere in the black market, to make a hell of a lot more money than $700 a month. If I was about to become some sort of dishonest citizen I would be after a lot more than $700 a month. My point is, that my integrity is all that I really have and there is no way that I would sacrifice my integrity for a measly $700 a month. I’m confused as to how I’m supposed to survive on such a little amount of money. I better not have to sit around and wonder why my government does not feel that I deserve my rightful benefits or why they believe that I should go without or why it is okay for them to force me into situations that will cause me a tremendous amount of pain.

Blah blah blah, anyways, last night I had a good feeling that the adjudicator was about to make a wise decision. No matter what happens I’m not about to go postal but I sure as hell will take it as a sign and example of what kind of government we have and what has to be done in the near future to set things right. I’ve never been a violent person and that will never change. I will do everything within my power and within the law to have a positive effect. On the other hand, when they approve my claim (see my optimism) I will feel that much better about the government and our society.

On the bright side, something that should make the adjudicators decision easier, it is very likely that I will only need CPP disability benefits for a limited amount of time because not only am I seeking out the necessary training for a new career, even if I am unable to re-train, the industry has no choice but to get with the times and in the near future it will not be difficult to find a job using a computer without a keyboard or mouse. So no matter what happens I will only be on disability for a limited amount of time — this is not a lifelong situation.(…and if she knows how to do her job right she will be aware of this)  The technology that is needed for someone like myself to use a computer is already available, all we need now is for the industry to take that next step!

As you can see, the reason why I am unable to find employment is not only because I am disabled but it is also because the industry is unwilling to change at this point in time and I’m guessing this is because the costs are too high. Just like any other change in technology, it is only a matter of time before prices drop and industries are in a position to step up and accommodate innocent victims such as myself.

If we go back 10 or 20 years from now there was only one way for us musicians to get our music out to our fans ears. First we had to raise enough money to record the album in a high-end studio charging anywhere from $30 – $100 an hour before we had to either raise enough money to pay for manufacturing and distribution or we had to shop our demo around for some kind of record deal, so that someone else could pay for the manufacturing and distribution.

Nowadays, technology has opened so many doors for us musicians that it is almost unbelievable. At this point in time when a musician wants to get their music out to there fans it is a whole lot simpler and far less expensive. Most people can afford to set up their own recording studio in their apartment, house or garage where they can record their music without feeling the rush of having to finish before the money runs out. Once we have our music recorded we can simply upload our music to the Internet, where our fans can download it to their computer without the need for any manufacturing or distribution costs whatsoever.

This is obviously a really good thing for any artist as well as all of their fans. Not only does this greatly reduce the amount of money that it costs to produce the music, it also greatly reduces the amount of plastic waste and without distribution, imagine how much gasoline and diesel we will save and how much less pollution will be released into the atmosphere.

Unfortunately the record companies will see none of these savings translate into increased revenue. Actually because the cost to produce the music has obviously come down, customers are not gonna want to pay the same amount of money for music purchased online as they would for music purchased in a CD store. The music industry is going to have to make a fairly substantial investment in this change but they might not see any increased revenue from this change. Why would the record companies invest a lot of money so that their customers could save a fortune while at the same time we save the environment? It seems like a great idea but of course we know that the record companies are not gonna make any investment unless they are guaranteed to make more money in the process.

The real sad part is that the world is full of stupid people and I feel like I’m the only one in the world who actually realizes what the next step should be. It seems so obvious, the changes waiting for us, right there, right in front of our faces.

Although at first glance it seems like the record companies are not gonna make any extra money off of this, if you take some time to think further you might be surprised.

The first record company to take this step has the opportunity to take over the market completely. It doesn’t even have to be a record company at this point, it just has to be someone with a lot of money to invest. This is such a natural transition for the music industry that I’m shocked that someone is not taking advantage of it at this point. The first person to solidify this move is sure to guarantee themselves a spot with the richest and most powerful people in the world. I’m not talking about selling online music here, which some companies are doing by selling music online for around $5-$10 a CD. That is a complete ripoff and most of us will understand this very quickly. With the amount of money that these companies are saving on manufacturing and distribution in combination with all of the money saved when the CD no longer has to change hands multiple times, we can provide fans with their music at a very reasonable rate — we could even give away music for free!

When a fan is used to paying $15 a CD, they might only be able to afford one or two CDs each month. If we can offer them their favorite music online at a substantially lower rate, where do you think they will spend all that money that they just saved? It’ll be very easy to set up our website in such a way that we will have all of these fans spending the same amount of money that they would per month on new CDs on various products and services throughout our website.

This process will definitely take some time and without the proper investment, it will be years before tripleeyemusic is in a position to make a real difference. This is a natural step, an inevitable step and no one is gonna stop this change.

I am just some guy with no money and a lot of great ideas. Now I could just sit here and complain to my friends about not having enough money to make my ideas a reality, while I fear what would happen if I put my ideas online but what good is that gonna do anyone? I’m gonna stick my neck out there and go for it, knowing full well that some wealthy individual could come along at any moment, steal my ideas and run with them.

That’s what’s so great about this idea is that it’s not about making a lot of money (although a lot of money could be made this way), it is about providing music to our fans at a reasonable rate while at the same time we reduce the amount of waste and fuel emissions that continue to pollute our planet. I’m sharing my ideas openly with the world so that anyone can run with this idea because I’m not doing this to become a wealthy man, I’m doing this because I cannot stand the fact that these major record companies continue to exploit, rape and pillage one of the most wonderful things that life has to offer — music. There is absolutely no excuse for them to continue doing business in this way! They continue to put off a necessary and natural change so that they can continue to not only rip off the fans but rip off the musicians creating the music that we love so much!

Check out one of my other blog post for more information about some of my ideas –  tripleeyemusic has some big ideas ….   this is a wonderful new business and website design that is sure to fit into the future of music wonderfully!   the first ones to run with these ideas will be the first ones with a chance to secure the market or in the very least a large part of it!

It is already bad enough that I have to pay for other people to get a vaccination that I believe to be dangerous and unnecessary. Now I have to be worried about them deciding to force me to take a vaccination.

According to the Canadian Constitution they cannot force people to be vaccinated in Canada. This is a basic and fundamental human right that should never be infringed upon. Apparently they are trying to pass a bill (Bill C-42) that would allow the Minister to make a decision based on his own personal opinion, without going through the courts. If our minister decides to declare a state of emergency, he can then decide to ignore our basic human rights. If our government can decide to ignore its own constitution whenever it feels necessary then we do not have any constitution to begin with. What is the point in having a constitution if you can ignore it whenever you want to? In order for our Constitution to mean anything it must hold true in every given situation.

It really does say a lot about the average intelligence level of Canadian citizens, that we can all just sit back and allow this to happen. Obviously our state of awareness is for the most part dependent on what we are told, instead of the simplicity of trusting our own common sense. The powers that be, have for centuries, gone to great lengths to ensure that society believes themselves to be incapable of thinking for themselves.

On the bright side, if Canada does choose to ignore its own constitution and force us to take vaccinations, it will become obvious that this country does not have a constitution and the illusion of a free society will finally come to an end. An action such as this would no doubt start the next revolution. As soon as they decide to force vaccinations it will become obvious what kind of country this really is. Even just the fact that they are considering to pass this bill is enough for most of us to realize how pathetic this country really is!

Are these politicians so stupid that they do not realize what will happen if they do this? How do they think we will react when we finally realize that Canada is not a free country and that our Constitution is meaningless? Take away the best thing that Canada has going for it and see what happens. All I can say is, they better have a lot of guns and they better be ready to put a lot of us into camps because there is no way in hell that we are gonna stand for this bullshit!

well, considering the fact that life comes with an assortment of difficulties, challenges and unfortunate situations, maybe this is just a simple recipe for the best life possible.

For a while now I’ve been thinking about how to present this philosophy in a way that is easy to swallow. For some reason, most people like to make life more difficult than it has to be so it doesn’t really matter how I say this, many people will reject it. That being said, I still believe there is a way to present this philosophy so that it can be easily understood, even for those of us who would rather life was difficult or meaningless.

I will start by listing a set of actions and/or qualities split into two groups, on the left are positive qualities and on the right are negative qualities. I will list them in order of priority, with the most powerful and relevant qualities at the top. Any one quality will almost definitely follow with other qualities in the same column. Below the list of qualities I will list a set of emotions and states of being which are out of our control except for the fact that they are a direct result of our actions and/or qualities. Basically, if you want to experience the emotions and states of being found in the left column you want to make sure that you embrace the qualities that are found in the left column above, keeping in mind that the qualities at the top are the most important with the most effect. In other words, if you continuously avoid the top three qualities in the left column you will almost definitely continue to experience the emotions and states of being found in the bottom right column. Those of you who find yourself experiencing emotions and states of being found in the bottom right column will also notice that you also continuously act in ways that are found in the top right column.

Of course this is only how I understand it and although I do believe that what I am saying is the truth, I also understand that other people may understand things differently and you may have a different way of understanding the same thing. Although I do feel that I have a good understanding about what really matters in life, I do not consider myself infallible or all knowing. I am sure of the importance that the top three qualities hold but as we go down through the list the order of priority and/or importance is not as important and I’m not completely sure that I got the order right. It is probably not a good idea to be so particular in this area anyways — the idea here is to demonstrate a point not to dictate laws or rules!

—————————————————————————————————————————

Qualities

—————————————————————————————————————————

Honest

dishonest

—————————————————————————————————————————

Compassionate

selfish

—————————————————————————————————————————

Accepting

prejudice

—————————————————————————————————————————

Generous

greedy

—————————————————————————————————————————

Productive

lazy

—————————————————————————————————————————

Patient

inpatient

—————————————————————————————————————————

Organized

disorganized

—————————————————————————————————————————

Passionate

careless

—————————————————————————————————————————

Observant

denial

—————————————————————————————————————————

Caring

abusive

—————————————————————————————————————————

Dependable

unreliable

====================================================================

Emotions and/or states of being

—————————————————————————————————————————

Love

fear

—————————————————————————————————————————

Peace of mind

stress

—————————————————————————————————————————

Happiness

depression

—————————————————————————————————————————

Fondness for others

hatred

—————————————————————————————————————————

Confidence

insecure

—————————————————————————————————————————

Self-worth

low self-esteem

—————————————————————————————————————————

Sense of well-being

regret

—————————————————————————————————————————

Content

unsatisfied

—————————————————————————————————————————

Comfortable

nervous

—————————————————————————————————————————

Aware

lost

—————————————————————————————————————————

Understanding

confusion

—————————————————————————————————————————

Certainty

doubtful

—————————————————————————————————————————

For those of you who think that it is impossible for me to understand enough about life to be able to explain it in such a way, allow me to point out that it is most likely because you are the kind of person who lacks the qualities listed in the top left column.

I was a little unsure of where to put passionate and careless as these things can be difficult to control. If you are able to embrace the top three qualities in the left-hand column you will find that all of the qualities, emotions and states of being that I have listed in the left-hand column will come naturally to you.

People spend their entire lives trying to figure out how to make the best of their life when all they really had to do was learn how to be an honest person and everything else would naturally fall into place with ease.

As you may have already guessed by the striking resemblance to an earlier blog post called “keep it simple stupid”, this is a work in progress.

I am looking forward to writing a book about this someday, so if any of you reading this are inspired by what I have written and choose to beat me to the punch by writing a book of your own please do your best to embrace the qualities in the left column and make sure that you acknowledge my influence in the book — a generous percentage of the profits couldn’t hurt! Either way I would be honored and even a simple thank you would suffice. The idea is to make the world a better place and these are not my ideas, just the way things are. Of course, in this day and age money helps and it would be great if I could make some money through sharing my philosophy but that is not my intention.

For almost 3 years now I’ve been unable to play any of my musical instruments. As you might imagine, this is a serious issue for me. With chronic tendinitis in both hands and arms, not only am I unable to play my bass and guitar, I am unable to use a mouse and keyboard.

As I’ve mentioned in a few of my earlier blog posts, I was able to sell some of my musical equipment (a couple acoustic guitars and my guitar amplifier). With this money I was able to purchase some new equipment for my computer so that I can use my computer completely hands-free. Now I can use Reason (digital music creation program by propellerhead) to create music on my computer. As great as this is, I’m still very limited as to what I can do without being able to play my guitar. Lucky for me, I saved all of my guitar work for the last 5 to 6 years on one of my drives and with the help of ‘Recycle’ (an add-on to reason also by propellerhead) I’m able to convert these files into Dr. Rex Loop files that I can use with reason. In other words, I’m now able to use reason to create songs with guitar tracks that I recorded before I came down with this condition.

If it was not for these amazing advances in technology I would not be able to create music at all. It definitely sucks that I cannot play my musical instruments but I’m very thankful for what I have and what I am still capable of doing. Thank you technology!

I will definitely be taking my time as I get back into the swing of things and figure my way around this new process but we can look forward to some new music in the new year!

As far as I’m concerned there is no distinguishing between paranoia and fear. I do not believe there is such a thing as rational fear. If something is about to happen and there’s nothing you can do to prevent this from happening then what point is there in fearing it? In my experience, fear only gets in the way and prevents us from thinking clearly. During an intense situation, our natural adrenaline will kick in to help us react more efficiently but this really has nothing to do with fear.

The ability to confidently react in any given moment is dependent on how you feel. Someone who is extremely afraid is not going to react in time because they will hesitate or even freeze up altogether. Your natural survival instincts will kick in when necessary, usually with a knee-jerk reaction, so once again you see, there is no need to be afraid — trust your instincts!

The most common fear that people have is a fear of death. I guess this is understandable in many respects but for the life of me (pun intended) I am personally unable to understand why not only are most people afraid of death but they actually defend their right to be afraid, as if it was an unavoidable situation. Once again, our sinister friend pride gets in the way and stops us from learning our lessons. Why would we want to admit that we were wrong, so that everyone around us could see that we make mistakes, how would our ego ever survive this terrible blow? I think it might be a better idea to ask yourself what everyone is gonna think of you when they look at you in 40 years from now and realize that you have not changed a bit.

Many people would suggest that hatred is the opposite of love but I would disagree. From where I sit, it seems very obvious that fear is the opposite of love and hatred is only a product of fear.

Before someone can enjoy life to its fullest they must accept life and all that it has to offer. Death is a very natural part of life and therefore, death is something that we must embrace. It is the only real certainty that we have in life, so if you are afraid of death you are afraid of life and therefore unable to accept and appreciate what you have.

Every second that you live in fear is a second that you are not living in a place of love, in other words, every moment you are afraid is a moment that you did not live. Some people spend their entire lives contemplating what will happen to them when they die as they miss the point entirely. What has always been more important is what we are doing while we are alive. Unfortunately, many people spend most of their time contemplating death, mourning loved ones who have passed, running from death or failing to enjoy life because of a fear of death.

I could go on and on about all of the different ways that death anxiety affects many of our lives but I’m hoping that a general outline is enough to paint a picture (I hope you get the point).

It is very easy to understand when we stop and think about it. Why fear something that is inevitable? It makes very little sense at all, yet so many of us do it.

The way I see it, all fear is paranoia and there is no such thing as rational fear. I challenge anyone to prove me wrong on this point. There is not one example that anyone can give to justify when fear is a benefit to our lives instead of a weakness or a burden.

Sometimes I feel like I am an alien from another planet who has been banished to this world for making a few mistakes. “What is wrong with you people?”– I find myself muttering to myself often lately. This world is full of selfish and lazy ass holes who don’t give a shit about anyone but themselves. As part of the requirements for my second career funding I have to do some labor market research, which means that I have to interview someone who hires employment counselors. So I make a few phone calls to see if I can set up an interview but I keep getting the runaround. For people who chose to work in a career designed to help people find employment they sure are good at giving me the cold shoulder.

If they are so busy that it is difficult to find time to help someone such as myself explore their career options then wouldn’t it make sense for them to make time so that in the future they won’t be so bogged down.

It doesn’t matter where you go you will see the same thing — there are very few good people in the world!

So funny! Just as I was about to finish up this post, Tracy from job start returned my phone call. I guess there is hope yet and maybe all this means is that I shouldn’t be so quick to judge. Perhaps there are a few more beautiful people in the world than I was previously aware. Tracy sounds nice and I look forward to my interview on Thursday morning. I guess I am surprised, pleasantly.

I’m sure most people would just erase this post but I think it’s funny and I like to share myself openly. Maybe someone else can benefit while they observe how I learn a valuable lesson.

For most people life is complicated and confusing. Few of us actually take the time to contemplate reality, probably because the concept is more frightening than anything else. The majority of the population spend their entire lives in denial, completely unaware of what is actually going on around them. People believe only what they want to believe and for some strange reason people want to make life complicated. Even my opening paragraph is complicated… LOL

I will avoid a proper essay structure and get right to the point! The easiest way for any human being to enjoy a peaceful existence as well as a clear understanding of what it means to be alive, is to not only understand love but experience it. There are three things that we must be in order to understand and experience love. We must be honest, accepting and compassionate. As soon as you can be all three of these things, through every moment of your life without fault, everything else will simply fall into place. It’s not like you will just know every secret to the universe, of course not but you will be far more aware with clear understanding. Believe it or not it really is just that simple. Unfortunately, for most people, getting themselves to a place where they are honest, accepting and compassionate in every waking moment of their lives will be one of the most difficult challenges they’ve ever faced but that is only because old habits are hard to break and honesty can be one of the most difficult things to pull off. I know, I know, I said it was simple and it is. As long as you keep this in mind and work towards this goal, it will not be long before you find yourself a confident, outgoing and loving individual who experiences love with every moment of your life. If you are having trouble reading this because you are thinking about how stupid and cheesy this whole concept is or how uncool your friends are gonna think you are then you should probably stop reading, sign-up for that credit card, go to the mall and buy whatever name-brand outfit is gonna make you look cool and you can worry about being honest some other day.

There are thousands of people around the world who make thousands upon thousands of dollars every year praying off of people who do not understand this one simple fact.

Learn to be an honest, accepting and compassionate person and watch all of your troubles slip away. No exceptions and no excuses, you have to be all of these things, in every moment of your life without fault before you will experience true love. Of course, there are many varying degrees, as there is with everything in life. If you are someone who is dishonest all of the time, who has difficulty accepting anyone who is different and you are unable to imagine what someone else might feel like then your life will be far more confusing and full of a lot more paranoia than someone who only tells little white lies here and there or only has troubles accepting certain people. Basically, the more honest, accepting and compassionate you are the more you will understand love and the more you will experience love. Similarly, the more you are dishonest, prejudice and selfish for more confusing and full of fear your life will be.

This is without a doubt, life’s biggest mystery, answered in the most simplest of ways.

Why is it so difficult for people to understand? — most people just want to feel good in the moment without a care in the world about what will happen as a result. So people act out of greed and selfish desire. People lie, cheat and steal as if they actually believed the old saying “what they don’t know can’t hurt them” or maybe they just forgot that no matter what they did, that they themselves would always know. Guilt and regret can be very hard to live with so people lie to their family and even to themselves while they deny themselves the best thing in life — love!

Be honest and you will see for yourself, a confident, peaceful and clear mind brings an awareness full of love and understanding — it really is just as simple as that.

I have an appointment with my caseworker up at Humber College this morning. I’m not sure how long it takes to get there so I’m going to give myself an hour and a half on the bus.

I am sure that I want to get into social services and I was pretty sure that I wanted to be a youth worker but after some research and a discussion with my wife I have backed away from the idea of being a youth worker for now. My second option was a career case worker which is now my most likely option. I was thinking about youth worker because I really like the idea of helping young kids who are going through a real tough time in life. I’ve been through a lot of bullshit in my life so I know how brutal life and some people can be. I am also sure that there are kids out there who are going through stuff that is a lot worse than anything I could ever imagine and they need good people like myself who are willing to go the extra mile. The problem with this idea is that when I get out of school and start working the hours will not be as good as I would like as I will most likely have to work late nights and strange hours. I am also the kind of person who tends to bring work home with me and this kind of job is really gonna upset me at times so when I come home from work I won’t be able to get my mind off of it which pretty much means that the rest of my extracurricular activities are going to suffer seriously. I don’t want to be too selfish here but I do consider what I do in my spare time something that is also very good for the world. I don’t think I can just give up on music and writing so that I can work with kids for the rest of my life. My music and my writing is so important to me and something that I’ve been doing for such a long time that I don’t think it is a healthy choice to give up at this point. Working as a career caseworker will still allow me to help people get through a very important time in their life just without all the extra baggage. Not only are the hours better, I am sure that I will have a much easier time coming home from work without bringing work home with me. I really need to have my own time after work and on weekends to dedicate to my music, my poetry, my writing as well as Daniela’s art.

As much as I would like to work with kids and children going through tough times I feel there are other people who are better suited for this career. I need a career that I can dedicate full-time hours to without having to dedicate my whole life to and it’s not because I like to party but because in the time that I am not working, my extracurricular activities are not only important to me but these are things that I feel are important to the world around me. I guess you could say that I’m not willing to give up my life purpose in order to pursue another life purpose. I have a lot of time available and I need to provide for my family so I will dedicate myself to a full-time career that allows me to continue working on my music and so on.

However, I’m going to talk to my caseworker this morning and I’m definitely open to other ideas and suggestions. I really want to get this ball rolling but I don’t want to rush into a mistake.

A couple of weeks ago I entered a few of my old songs into an online contest on garage band.com. I have entered these songs in contests on the same site three or four years ago and some actually did very well. It doesn’t seem to matter what category I put the songs in, at least a few reviewers will say that they are in the wrong category but no one seems to know what category they should be put in… LOL… So this time I put them in the experimental rock category and of course I still get a few reviews with people saying that I put the  songs in the wrong category.

As you may or may not be aware I’m a very honest person and as such, my review and rating strategy is fair and non-bias. At  garage band.com you can choose to review other songs as a way to earn credits, so that you can enter your own songs into contests instead of paying an entry fee. For obvious reasons, I have been reviewing music from the same category that I entered my music in. Unfortunately for me, a few of the bands that I gave bad reviews to (very well-deserved) got very upset with me for not liking their music and they turned around and gave my music a very bad rating (unfair and not at all deserved). Almost half of the reviews that I’ve received have been bad reviews from people who are just upset with the fact that a real musician is entering real music into the experimental rock category. I have gotten some very good reviews and my songs are moving up the charts but I do not feel that the rating for my position in the charts is what it should be. I will most likely have to reenter each of these songs as a way to counteract a few very biased reviews.

Don’t get me wrong here, I am well aware of the fact that my music needs a lot of work. Hell, I wrote and recorded these songs almost 4 years ago. I just got some new equipment from my computer so that I can use it without using my hands which means that I’m finally going to be able to use reason again. I wanted to throw some songs onto garage band.com to get an idea of what people like and what people don’t like about my music. Just as I imagined, this is turning out to be a great idea, as a way to receive good honest criticism and even a little inspiration.

Something that I always find very amusing is receiving e-mails from musicians with a bruised ego after reading my review of their music. Something about this process is very enjoyable and I even enjoy the odd battle. I am also very happy to report that in most cases, those who oppose me, usually back down while admitting fault at some point.

Although garage band.com has not been able to effectively remove all bias from their voting process, I still believe that it is an effective tool and definitely a great idea for any band looking to evolve and grow.

I’m also very happy to report that my review rating has gotten a lot better in the last two years and is going up. My review rating for the last 10 reviews is currently at 101%. Maybe I could work for a magazine.

The first thing she says to me is “so the doctors are unable to diagnose your condition”, I instantly become very upset because I have people question me about this far too many times in the last three years. So I tell her that that’s the doctors problem and not mine. I told her about my visit to the specialist when the doctor asked the intern what she thought I had and she responded with “all the symptoms point to RSI” and he says “but we have to be careful with that because that might imply that this was a workplace injury, so we will diagnose him with nonspecific arthrosis“. I went on to inform her that it does not take very long when you do research online to find out that all of my symptoms point to it RSI. The lady from CPP disability responsed to that with “but if it was RSI wouldn’t you think that it should have gone away by now”. I kind of laughed and said I guess you should know this — it actually only takes a few minutes of research online to find out that many RSI patients suffer with this condition for a very long time and sometimes even their entire lives. Actually in almost any reference to RSI it says that if you do not catch it in time that it can very easily turn into a lifelong disability. Yet an adjudicator from a government funded organization is completely unaware of this fact! (roll eyes)

Anyways, I really did go off on her about how this country, our doctors and the system that is in place to help people like myself is bullshit and they don’t really care about people like myself. If it wasn’t for my wife who helps take care of me I would’ve either been on the street by now or been forced back into work despite the tremendous amount of pain that causes me. Obviously she had very little to say on the subject. She says that she hasn’t made a decision yet and that she requires further information my doctors, I informed her that she probably would not receive anymore information because what she has is all the information they have to provide her with.

This is bullshit and I should not have to go through this as a Canadian citizen. I’m completely and utterly disgusted with our healthcare system and our social safety net that is apparently in place to help people like me avoid a life of chronic pain and suffering.

If they deny this claim, mark my words, I will dedicate much of my time for the rest of my life to making sure that not only Canadian citizens but the rest of the world understands how seriously fucked up this country is and how horrible it is for us to deny such a common and very serious medical condition.